The Trouble With Men Is
by OnlyTheGoodDieYoung
Summary: Sakura's a strong, confident young woman, but when she starts work as a maid for TEN COCKY GUYS, not only does she have to constantly put up with their sexist jokes and Playboy magazines, but when they start trying to get into her pants... what's a girl to do?
1. Those Damned Pickup Lines!

**Summary:** Sakura's a strong, confident young woman, but when she starts work as a maid for TEN COCKY GUYS! Not only does she have to constantly put up with their sexist jokes and Playboy mags, but when they start trying to get into her pants... what's a girl to do?

This is an AU story, obviously.

**Author Note:** Well, I think it's quite obvious where I got this idea. I saw the movie Sorority Boys last night, and it was freaking _hilarious_! I loved it! I don't know if this idea has been done here or not… but I apologize if it has. I'm new to this section so I wouldn't know.

Right now, only Konoha Ninjas, Gaara and are going to actually be "in" the house. Itachi, Deidara, Sasori and the rest are going to make an appearance later.

**WARNING: **I don't actually know what living with guys is actually like, I just hear things from my friend (Who has three older brothers), and the whole bringing girlfriend home, hiding those playboy mags... etc. So if there's any guy readers out there, please don't get offended if I portray something wrong. :) Keep in mind that everything in here is high exaggerated.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters… You know the rest.

* * *

**The Trouble With Men Is**

**Chapter One  
****...Those Damned Pickup Lines!**

* * *

Isn't it every girl's dream to just have ten guys live with her?

Every morning she'd get up, and there would be ten sexy, dreamy guys waiting for her...

To pamper her with love and affection and give her the whole "I'll-never-look-at-another-girl-now-that-you're-here-in-my-life-because-you're-the-only-one-I-want-to-live-with-and-cherish-every-single-day-heck-I'll-never-even-need-porn-anymore"

Well, I'm sorry to say, life isn't _that _nice.

You're about to see firsthand... what it's _really_ like to live with ten rowdy young men.

It was Sakura's first day at her new job...

* * *

"Hey, who's that?"

"Don't know. New maid?" Two boys were looking out the window at a pink-haired girl, walking along the driveway to their house.

"No way, she's way too hot to be _just_ a maid. She's probably another one of Jiraiya's little _secretaries_."

"Maybe he'll let _me_ have a go with her."

"I'd tap her."

"Look at those breasts! I mean, look at the _lack_ of breasts!"

"I'd _still_ tap her."

"Kiba, you'd tap a _dog _if it had a pussy and two tits."

"Hey, that time was an _accident_, I was drunk and-"

* * *

Outside, 19 year old Haruno, Sakura started moving her things into her new home. She glanced up at the huge mansion, and couldn't help but stare in awe. It was _gigantic_. She hasn't actually been _inside_ yet, but from the pictures, it looked amazing. It had fifteen bedrooms, ten bathrooms, an indoor pool, _and_ a gym. When she first heard about a job opening here, she'd been pretty excited.

Not only was her University just a twenty minute walk away, she'd have a place to live, _and_ earn some much needed cash at the same time.

True, looking after ten boys was _not_ going to be easy, and living with them was probably going to be a major pain in the ass. But the money she was going to make was _amazing_. She was going to make around two hundred and fifty bucks a day, _and_ with no living or food fees.

Sakura knew that this house had a reputation for being err… _unruly_.

She remembered having one disjointed phone call with the previous maid. The calls ended with the maid sobbing hysterically into the phone, telling her to get as far away as possible from this house.

At her phone interview, she had asked the landlord, Jiraiya, about the conditions, the people, and some questions she had spent days preparing for. But all he seemed to care about was what was her clothes size, did she enjoy sexual games, or whether or not she liked to eat food off other people.

Of course, if it was any other person, she would've threw a fit and slammed the phone down, but since the pay was _so_, _so_ good, and she was _so_, _so_ desperate for money… she let it go.

"_But honestly, all I'm going to be doing is cooking and cleaning for them._" She thought to herself calmly as she went up to the front steps to ring the doorbell, "_How terrible could that possibly be?_"

Besides, living with ten boys can't be _that_ bad… can it? Afterall, they're probably all going to the same University as her, so they must be well-respected, educational young men.

If only she knew.

The door suddenly flung wide open, and an old looking man with long, frosty white hair stepped outside.

"Sakura, my dear," the man simpered as he drew her in a bone crushing hug, "How wonderful of you to come! I'm Jiraiya. I believe I talked to you on the phone earlier."

Sakura nodded politely, but secretly, she was shocked at the bizarre way this man act and dressed. She assumed he was a young man, perhaps in his mid twenties, hoping to get some action off of her, which of course, _wasn't_ going to happen.

She definitely _was not_ expecting a sixty-something year old geezer answering the door.

"Wait one second sweetums," He gave her a sugary smile before turning around and yelling roughly, "All you dirty bastards get down here! I want you to meet your new maid!"

Seconds later, nine guys trudged sluggishly down the stairs and walked in the same slow manner towards the front door. But before Sakura could get a good look at each of them...

"All right men, I want you to each introduce yourselves, and say something nice to Sakura to make her feel welcome." Jiraiya instructed, "Naruto, you can go first."

A guy with bright blonde hair and the most awful, awful orange jumpsuit Sakura had ever seen stepped forward and gave her a big grin, "I'm Naruto," and after introducing himself, he began to inspect her very closely, tugging at her shirt ever so often.

"Err- Naruto, what are you doing?" Sakura asked, clearly very uncomfortable.

Naruto looked some more, and then announced, "Yup, I was right, this one's made in heaven!"

Sakura rolled her eyes as the other boys groaned.

"Aw come _on_ Naruto, that's the _lamest_ pickup line I've ever heard! Even Jiraiya wouldn't pull something like that!"

Naruto hung his head and trudged back to his place, "Well I thought it was good…" he said sadly.

Sakura felt badly for the poor boy, even though she thought the pickup line was absolutely repulsive. She said, "Aw Naruto, don't listen to them, I thought it was… sweet."

The other boys, and Jiraiya all gaped at her.

Kiba nudged Neji on the shoulder and whispered into his ear, "This one's going to be easy if she falls for Naruto's lines." He then proceeded towards Sakura and gave her a wolfish grin, "Hey there cutie, my name's Kiba. Now you know if you ever need any help with anything," he gave her a wink, "You can always come to me. Or you know, if you ever just wanna have some fun, knock up a few headboards-OW!"

Jiraiya suddenly whacked him in the head, "Kiba! What did I tell you about asking strangers for sexual favors?"

"Hey! Naruto did it too!" Kiba retorted, massaging his head. "Goddamit! For a sixty-something year old sex-deprived man, you sure hit hard!"

Jiraiya's face turned red, "First of all, I am not a sixty-something year old geezer, I'm thirty-five, got it? THIRTY-FIVE! And I am not sexually deprived! I have had more women in one night than you'll ever have in a lifetime!" He took a deep breath before continuing, "And second of all, there's no point in wasting energy yelling at Naruto because there's _no way_ he's going to pick up _any _girl with those damned pickup lines of his. You, Kiba, on the other hand…" He gave a big grin, "Let's just say you were just like me twenty years ago, always picking up the ladies…" he stopped halfway with a strange dreamy grin on his face, while Kiba looked like he wanted to puke.

Sakura gave a nervous chuckle, "I'll… keep that in mind…"

No way in _hell_ was she ever going to go to _Kiba_ for help of any sort. Or Jiraiya, for that matter.

"Hello, I'm Shino," A sketchy looking boy with sunglasses muttered under his huge coat, "I would like it if you didn't go into my room. I have a very rare collection of bugs from Africa, and I don't want anyone to go anywhere near them."

Bugs?

Did Shino just say… bugs?

Sakura's mind screamed in fear. She nodded faintly, "Of course, I'd _never_ think of going in _your_ room." She laughed nervously.

Suddenly, she felt someone take her hand and kiss it tenderly. She looked down to see a strange guy with a bowl cut and a tight, spandex jumpsuit.

He tried to give her his "seductive" look, but only succeeded in making himself look very hung over. "My dear, your hair is so soft and lovely, like the clouds in the sky. You are like an angel, your lovely green eyes bring out my suit, and the Gods are just screaming for us to get together." He gave her a dramatic look, "Let us not waste our youth in this place, let's run away and get married in the sunset! We are perfect for each other!"

Sakura gaped at him, "I… don't know what to say…"

"Don't say anything, my love," he whispered to her, eyes twinkling like stars. "Let's just leave."

"I… I don't even know your name."

"It's Lee, "Hard as Rock" Lee," He grinned, "And it's not just my name that's rock hard… If you know what I mean." He proceeded to give her a hearty wink.

Sakura stared at him, not fully understanding what he meant, "That's… nice." She smiled, and gave a shrilled laugh, "Anyways, thanks for the introductions, I think I'll be going to hang my myself- I mean, go to the bathroom." She gave them a look of disgust before rushing off to locate the nearest exit-err bathroom door. She could still hear them all arguing before she left.

"Thanks a lot Lee! You scared her away! I didn't even introduce myself, you big sack of shit!"

"Seriously, "Hard as Rock" Lee? What the _hell_ were you smoking when you thought that up?"

"Lee, did you get drunk while watching Shakespeare again?"

Sakura sighed as she spotted a washroom nearby. She ran in as fast as she could and locked the door.

She's only met _four_ of the guys…

And already she's been driven insane.

She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall.

"_What have I gotten myself into?_" She thought as she mentally slapped herself, "_I've been with those guys for less than five minutes, and already, I want to shoot myself._"

She proceeded to sit at the edge of the bathtub, and then bury her head in her hands.

"What am I going to do?" she rocked back and forth trying to brainstorm a way to get the hell out of this place, "I can't live like this! Screw the money, I just want to get out of here!"

Suddenly, she noticed something glossy and colorful behind the toilet. She bent down and pulled it up.

She gasped.

No way.

Sakura didn't know whether to laugh, or cringe in disgust.

Behind the toilet, were stacks of _at least_ twenty Playboy magazines.

"They… read this stuff?" Her eyes widened in shock as she flipped through the pages. Sure, she's heard of Playboy magazines, but she never imagined they'd be _this_ graphic.

She threw the magazine aside in disgust and reached for a tissue. But instead, she felt something wet, and slippery… and…

She looked up to see what she was _really_ touching and-

"IIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Outside, the boys all stopped mid-sentence as they heard the ear-piercing scream.

"Kiba? Did you forget to turn off the porn again?"

* * *

Chapter one is done! Please review, I'd love some constructive critisism.

As for Pairings, I'm not really sure so I guess you guys can decide.

Sakura x Naruto  
Sakura x Sasuke  
Sakura x Neji  
Sakura x Kiba  
Sakura x Lee  
Sakura x Gaara  
Sakura x Shikamaru  
Sakura x Sai  
Sakura x Itachi  
Sakura x Sasori  
Sakura x Kakashi

I'm not even going to bother adding Chouji, or Shino, because I doubt anyone will pick them.

Till next chapter!


	2. They're Lazy, Insensitive Bastards!

**Summary:** Sakura's a strong, confident young woman, but when she starts work as a maid for NINE GUYS! Not only does she have to constantly put up with their sexist jokes and Playboy magazines, but when they start trying to get into her pants... what's a girl to do?

Sorry for the long wait, but WOWZA, thanks so much for all the lovely reviews! I love you guys!

**

* * *

**

The Trouble With Men Is

**Chapter Two  
**…**They're Lazy, Insensitive Bastards!**

* * *

Sakura stomped outside to the front entrance, her face tomato red, and a look of pure disgust on her face. 

She glared at the guys, and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to alleviate her anger and embarrassment.

"Do you guys have sex?" She suddenly asked. She knew it was an off topic and a vulgar question, but she remembered reading somewhere in one of those magazines that females should never ask the opposite sex the question _directly_. Because chances are, they'll lie, so the solution is to find a way _around_ the question, and ask it _indirectly_.

...And this was the best way she could find.

The boys were all throw off guard as they gave her a strange look. There was a mixture of answers of yes, and no, and "I think I did" or "I almost".

"Okay, fine," She said briskly, "For all those of you who _do_ have sex, let me ask you something. Do you use condoms?"

As soon as she heard herself say these words, she mentally slapped herself. "_I did not think this through enough!_"

Oh well, too late now.

Now they were looking at her as if she was _really_ insane.

"_Well_?" She asked again, raising her voice.

A few of the boys muttered yes, and others just pretended to be deaf.

"For those of you that _do_ use condoms, aren't you suppose to _throw it in the trash can_ after they're used?" Sakura emphasized each syllable, "_NOT_ just throw it in some random corner and hope no one finds it, _NOT_ leave it on the bathroom sink so someone else can barf all over it, NOT leave it in the corner and pretend it doesn't exist, and definitely _NOT_ leave it hanging on the tissue box, because that is just plain _disgusting_!" She finally took a breath as she watched the guys for some sort of reaction.

They all stared at her in plain silence… some of them actually looked scared. Even Jiraiya looked fearful.

Finally, someone spoke up.

"Eh, are you… PMSing?" Naruto asked timidly. "Because Kiba told me it's when girls act like bitches, blab a lot, throw fits, and don't know what they're talking about. And you seem to fit that description very well right now."

Kiba gave a small yelp and hid behind Lee as Sakura's head snapped up and her eyes bored into Naruto.

A boy with long brown hair, tied up in a ponytail gave Naruto a pat on the back and whispered, "It was nice knowing you buddy."

They all waited to see Sakura's reaction. But surprisingly, she was quite calm.

"So you think I'm PMSing?" She glowered at him, "Well you'd be PMSing too if you found what I did in the bathroom hanging on the tissue box."

He stared at her blankly, "What did you find?"

Sakura gaped at him incredulously, "Do you want me to spell it out for you Naruto?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "If you want, though I must warn you, I suck at languages, and spelling so it might take me a while to fully understand what you're saying."

Sakura didn't know whether he was joking or actually serious, "Do you want to know what I found?" she raised her voice again, "I found a dirty, wet, _used_ condom, _not _in the trash can where it should go, but _hanging _on a tissue box."

All the boys looked at Kiba.

"What?" he asked, stepping back, "It wasn't me! I never use that bathroom!"

Sakura snorted, "Yeah right, so that's why there are stacks and stacks of Playboy magazines in there."

Kiba gasped, "So _that's_ where you guys hid them! You dirty bastards! I spent three hours looking for them last week!"

"Wait, wait, wait, let me get this straight," the boy with the ponytail said, "It wasn't you, Kiba?"

He shook his head, "Nope Shikamaru, not me. It must've been some other idiot in here that got lucky."

Everyone looked around to see who the guilty culprit was.

"Hmm…" the boy named Shikamaru said scratching his head, "The other maid left yesterday morning, but she cleaned up before she left, and no chicks, other than Sakura, came in today. So it must've happened sometime yesterday between the time the maid left, and last night."

He looked around suspiciously at the other eight boys.

Shikamaru turned to Naruto, "It definitely wasn't you. I know that for sure."

"Hey!" Naruto yelled defensively, as the other boys snickered, "Come on, I get chicks!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, "No, that's not what I meant Naruto. I mean, you were up all night the day before raiding the fridge, and you ate that strange yellow goop in that jar-"

"Wait, wait, that's still in there?" Lee gaped at him.

"Not anymore!" Naruto said proudly, "For once, I finished everything in the fridge before Chouji did! Even though I had to pay a heavy price for it."

"What… did you have to pay?" Sakura asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Naruto turned a deep shade of red and laughed, "Err- well, apparently the stuff expired three years ago, so I had a pretty bad stomach ache…"

"He spent all of yesterday cramped up in the washroom on the upper floor with diarrhea," Shikamaru finished off for him, as he bonked him on the head, "Serves you right for making us go without breakfast yesterday morning!"

"So if it wasn't me, and it wasn't Kiba… who was it?" Naruto asked hastily, trying to divert attention from his little adventures in the washroom.

"Hmm… It definitely wasn't Shino, because he was away at a bug exhibit, or something like that, right?"

Shino gave a nod.

"It couldn't have been Neji," he said, pointing to a boy with light eyes, "He was at the library all day. It wasn't me. I was playing shougi- err I mean doing manly stuff upstairs."

"So that leaves Sasuke, Gaara, Lee, and Chouji." Neji pointed out, and then smirked, "I'm betting it was Sasuke."

A boy with shaggy black hair, and boyish good looks shook his head, "I wasn't home all day."

"Really? Where were you?" Naruto asked curiously.

"That's really none of your business now, is it?" Sasuke replied back coldly.

"It wasn't me." Lee piped up, "I was out jogging out day, and I spent most of the time at the fitness center."

"Lee, we have a fitness center right down the hall, why do you bother running five miles to go over to that one?" Kiba asked, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, well unlike our gym, their gym has chicks in sports bras, and tight spandex suits." Lee grinned, "Trust me, it's worth the run."

"If you say so…" Kiba replied, but Sakura heard him mutter "freak" under his breath. And she had to say that for once, she whole-heartedly agreed with him.

"So it's down to Gaara and Chouji." Naruto grinned, "I think the answer is pretty obvious."

"Hey what about me!" Jiraiya suddenly exclaimed, clearly insulted at being forgotten.

"Jiraiya, you haven't been laid since 1965." Kiba snorted, "So I doubt it's you."

The old man turned a deep shade of red, as the boys laughed. Even Sakura gave a small grin.

The red head suddenly said timidly, in a low voice, "It wasn't me, I went to visit my brother."

The whole room went silent, as everyone stared at the chubby guy.

"No way." Lee whispered, "Shikamaru must've calculated something wrong, this isn't…"

Shikamaru shook his head and grinned, "You know what this means guys." He smirked, "Chouji got laid before all you guys!" he laughed, "And all you guys criticized him for his size! So Chouji, who's the lucky girl?"

But the oversized boy merely gave them a thumbs up sign and a hearty laugh, "A man never reveals his secrets!"

Shikamaru threw his head back and laughed as Naruto and Lee swarmed up around Chouji and began interrogating him with questions.

"Who was it?"

"What did she do?"

"Did you see her… boobies?"

"Come on man, you got to tell us your secret! How did you do it? Did you drug her?"

"Is she blind?"

Chouji merely gave a mysterious grin, and said with equal mischief, "I'll just be… going to the kitchen now." he skipped away leaving the other guys dumbfound.

Neji shook his head, "And I told him he'd get laid when pigs fly."

Sakura stared at all of them. It was a strange feeling, but she couldn't help but warm up to them, they were… sort of like a family. Like one of those ant colonies she'd seen on the Discovery Channel. Maybe they weren't _that_ bad-

"So Sakura, are _you_ a virgin?"

Okay, scratch all that.

She glared at Lee. "How _dare_ you… I…"

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders, "Lee had every right to ask. You asked _us_ remember?"

"When did I…" Sakura began, then remembering her asking them if they've ever had sex, "Fine but I, this is different… I'm…" She looked at all ten faces staring at her waiting for an answer. Even Chouji was peeking at her through the kitchen door.

"I…" Sakura said meekly, "I don't…"

Kiba gave her a wolfish grin "Go on…"

Sakura thought the situation through. It was a lose-lose case. If she said she was a virgin, they'd laugh at her and call her a prude, if she said she wasn't, they'd _still_ laugh at her, and possibly call her ruder names. But she knew, in actuality, she, in fact was-

"A virgin." Someone said.

Sakura looked up in surprise, "How do you… how would you know?" she retorted, turning red.

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders, "It's obvious, your little _ums_ gave it all away."

Neji gave a small chuckle, "I'm not surprised."

She glared at him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sakura waited for a reply from the pale-eyed boy. However, Naruto intervened.

"What I think Neji is trying to say, is that you have very small breasts, and that could possibly-" he was cut off by a loud cracking noise.

It all happened so fast, that before anyone knew what was going on, Naruto was on the ground clutching his bloody nose as Sakura stared at him angrily from above.

"I don't believe this, how _dare_ you… I'm going to beat you to a-"

"Sasuke!" a voice cried out, diverting everyone's attention from the bloody Naruto. Everyone stared at Jiraiya, as if expecting him to pull some kind of miracle, "Err- why don't you show where Sakura will be staying! Yes, Sasuke! Take her up to her room!"

Sasuke stared blankly at him, and then shrugged his shoulders, "Alright."

Sakura gave Naruto a final glare before following Sasuke out the lobby, leaving the boys and Jiraiya at a loss for words.

Before she left, she could've swore she heard one of the guys say, "Nice one old man, one second later, and there probably would've been a massacre in here."

"Ib telling ju, tat oman has uperstrength!" Naruto howled, massaging his bloody nose.

Sakura followed Sasuke up the stairs and down a grand hallway. She couldn't help but notice how good looking this guy was. He didn't look like the regular conventionally handsome guy. There was something dark and sexy about him, something about him that makes her want to know more about him, something-

"I suppose you'll be wanting a tour of the house too?" he said exasperatedly.

"Oh um, don't worry about that!" she gave a nervous chuckle, and blushed slightly at her innapropriate thoughts of him, "I'll be… fine."

He gave her a look as if asking, "_are you sure?_" but he didn't say anything more.

"There we are." He lead her to the door at the very end of the wing, "There's your room. It's where the previous maid stayed before she went… crazy."

Sakura gave a small nod and pushed open the door. She gasped slightly as she entered. The room was nothing like she was expecting. Well, first of all, it was _huge_. There was a king sized canopy bed with soft periwinkle sheets, and matching curtains. The furniture was a dark oak, with flowery designs carved in. It gave the room a majestic feel.

"Wow, it's… beautiful." She said breathlessly.

"You'll get your own bathroom of course." He said dully, as if reading off a script, "I doubt you'd want to share bathrooms with us."

She nodded, still dazed at how utterly wonderful her room was.

"I'll be leaving you alone now," he gave her a curt nod, "Hope you enjoy your stay here."

Then he hesitated before adding, "Don't let people like Naruto, or Neji get you down, we're not all like that."

She gave him a shy grin, and replied shakily, "Yeah…"

Wow, he was so sweet, and kind. She stared at him as he began to walk away. They're not all bad, especially not him. He is one of the nicest guys I've ever-

"A virgin, eh?"

Sakura slammed the door.

* * *

It was nearing midnight, and Sakura was still moving in. Not to her surprise, none of the boys helped her at all. Jiraiya and Naruto tried to help, but they just ended up breaking two lamps and a vase. The others said they were apparently "busy", but all she saw them do was lounge around and play video games, with the exception of Sasuke and Gaara, whom were nowhere to be seen. 

She huffed and puffed as she dragged her boxes up the stairs, cursing under her breath as she heard the snoring coming from three different ways.

"Those - damned - lazy - bastards…" she said between breaths, "They could've carried all this up in less than a minute. Chouji probably could've carried everything in one trip."

That was when she heard the strange thumping noise coming from downstairs.

She frowned slightly, as the word "_burglars_" came to mind. Sakura set her box in down, and slowly walked towards the source of the sound.

The thumping noise became louder and louder. It had a rhythm to it.

_Thump_

_Thump_

_Thump_

_Thump_

She slowly made her way to the front entrance of a door, where the noise was coming from.

Sakura put her ear against the door, and let out a little scream, which she managed to muffle.

Someone in there was… in pain?

She heard a low moan, followed by someone saying, "Oh… stop it… oh please… oh no…" followed by more moaning.

"Are you okay?" Sakura called out, knocking on the door. She got no response, only more moaning and low whispering.

"I'm… I'm coming in!" she said nervously as she grabbed a thin, silver candleholder off a small table.

Sakura then proceeded to kick the door open to find…

* * *

ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!! 

Sorry for the long wait on this chapter! Hope you all liked it.

Please review? I love hearing from you guys!

**These People Rock:**

**Chimiri  
****Crystalized Rai  
****Minakui  
****Silent Kunoichi aka. Fiona**  
**XweaponsXmistressX  
****Crazyevilgirl  
****2supersmart  
****IceCreamXD**  
**Seriv  
****Bargavi – **don't worry, Gaara won't be that gross! He's too sweet, cute and adorable! –_goes into fangirl mode_-  
**Akizakura  
****Kunoichi Petals**  
**twistedsmiles - **lol, I brought in Sasuke this chapter! I don't think I'm going to make him a perv, but he'll have his moments:)  
**psalmofsummer  
****fruitsbasketangel  
****xanimefangirlxx  
****kibahina.4.evur  
****devilswife – **thank you  
**writer4ever14  
****Mayumi Crescent Moon  
****mi-ke – **thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter! As for the real pairing? From looks of it, almost everyone wants sakuxsasu.  
**XXRedWolfXX**


	3. They Don't Cover Up!

**Summary:** Sakura's a strong, confident young woman, but when she starts work as a maid for TEN COCKY GUYS! Not only does she have to constantly put up with their sexist jokes and Playboy mags, but when they start trying to get into her pants... what's a girl to do?

Hi everyone, extremely sorry for the late update. I hope you don't hate me too much. :(

**!MUST READ!**: Anyways, I created a poll (seriously, ffnet is getting so snazzy! with the poless, pms and stuff) for you guys to vote on which pairing you want, so you won't have to vote in here anymore! Also, I've posted pictures in my profile of what the house Sakura lives in looks like. Just so you guys could visualize it better :)  
Don't worry, I'll still incorporate the votes in the reviews with the polls. I just think a poll would be easier for you guys. :D

* * *

**The Trouble With Men Is **

**Chapter 3  
...They Don't Cover Up!**

* * *

"Holy mother of all that is-" Sakura screamed and fell crashing back into a table.

Behind the door wasn't _exactly_ what she thought it was. She was expecting a big, bad thief carrying a gun, or a machine gun... or perhaps he was a monster, and then he'll-

After what Sakura had just witnessed, she would've taken on the big-bad-machine-gun-carrying-monster-thief any day. As she threw opened the door heroically, she saw two people. A man and a woman to be exact, engaging in a very pleasurable and calorie burning activity; also known as sexual intercourse.

It probably would've been a smart idea to just dash out of the room and pretend nothing had happened.

But of course, being a hormone-driven-stressed-out-sleep-deprived-hungry-scared-vulnerable young woman... She acted the way anyone with her problems would.

She began chucking anything in sight at the two strangers lying completely naked, entangled in a strange aerobic position, on the couch.

"Shame on you!" Sakura yelled between throws. "And shame on _that_!" she said, pointing to their entangled, naked bodies, "Put on some clothes! _Both_ of you, before I call the cops!"

The boy seemed to ignore her, as he stood up... still naked.

Sakura covered her eyes, "Put it away, put it away!" she wailed.

The boy seemed bemused by her reaction to the situation, as he smiled slowly, and asked, "Why are you calling the cops on me? I live here."

Sakura went silent, and lifted her hand off her eyes. She made sure her eyes would not stray down anywhere near his "ahem". She stared at his face and frowned. "You don't live here," she replied, "I don't remember meeting you today."

Recognition dawned upon the boy's face. "Ah, I see. You're the new maid. I see they've conveniently forgot to mention me." He added with a slight scowl.

That was when Sakura got her first good look at him. He was extremely pale... almost white. His lack of pigment contrasted greatly with his dark hair and dark eyes. There was something funny about his expression though... or rather, _lack_ of expression. He actually kind of looked like Sasuke. And Sakura couldn't help but notice that... he was pretty darn toned. She felt her face redden slightly.

"Why is your face turning red?" he asked her.

"I err- umm..." Sakura muttered, "I... you see..."

"Is it my nakedness? Do you feel awkward seeing my penis?"

Sakura was shocked at how straightforward he was. "Yes? I...do?"

"Fine," he nodded, "I'll cover up." He walked slowly back to the couch, where the girl was lying lazily with a bored and sour expression on her face. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. "Better?" he asked.

Sakura gave a meek smile and nodded her head slowly, "Yes, much better."

He walked up to her and gave her a strange smile, "Hello, my name is Sai. And that girl back there is Kin." he said pointing to the voluptuous girl in the back.

"Err- Hello, I'm Sakura. Your new maid."

A shrill giggle was heard from Kin, as she tossed back her long, shiny black hair, "A new maid?" she smirked as she raised an eyebrow and looked Sakura up and down. "You don't seem like the kind to me. What do they ask you to do here?"

"Well... you know. The usual... cooking, cleaning, making beds..." she trailed off.

"Oh..." the Kin said, as she let out another ear-piercing giggle, "_That_ kind of maid. I was beginning to wonder why Jiraiya would hire someone like you where there are millions of better-" she stopped mid-sentence, and gave Sakura a pitying look, "Well, never mind."

Sakura didn't exactly understand what Kin was trying to say, but she had the feeling that it wasn't very nice. "Well, nice to meet you," Sakura said feverishly, edging towards the door, "I'll just be leaving you to do... your thing. Have fun." And before any of them could say another world, she slammed the doors and dashed up the stairs.

* * *

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Oh come on... a couple more minutes..."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Please?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Fine!" Sakura slammed the snooze button on her alarm clock and dragged herself out of bed. She was still feeling quite tired from last night's little "adventure". She shed off her clothes and stumbled into the shower. She jumped slightly as the cold water fell on her body.

"Darn," she grumbled to herself, "I must've left the shampoo on my bed." She threw back the shower curtain and screamed.

Leaning casually against the sink- fully clothed this time- was Sai.

"What- What are you doing here?" Sakura gasped, as she tried to cover herself up with the shower curtain, as drops from her hair splattered everywhere, "You... you pervert! You... Get out- GET OUT!"

He did not budge from his spot, and merely gave his usual blank stare, "Well, you saw me naked- didn't you? It's only fair that I get to see you naked."

Sakura then began chucking soap pieces at him (she always seems to be throwing something when she's around him). "Get out... Get out now! It was an accident! I didn't mean to see it!"

"Really? Was it an accident?" Sai began to walk slowly towards her.

"Get away- get AWAY!" Sakura cried, "What would your girlfriend say if she saw you in here?"

Sai stopped midway and stared at her strangely, "Girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend."

"Yes you do! That girl... Kin."

"She's not my girlfriend." Sai replied curtly.

"What? Then... who is she? I mean you guys look and _sounded _pretty chummy on the couch last night."

He let out a rare chuckle that didn't seem to quite fit his voice or expression, "There's nothing romantic between me and her. She's just my model."

"Your... model?"

Sai nodded his head, "She's my model for painting. I'm an artist."

Sakura raised an eyebrow; slightly amused despite the strange situation she was in. She let out a laugh, "So when you were nailing her on the coach, that was art?"

"Well, her being my model does allow the both of us certain-"

But their conversation was interrupted by a loud bang as the door swung open.

"Oh for the love of God..." Sakura slapped her slightly oversized forehead as another storm of boys dashed into her bathroom.

Standing in her bathroom was Kiba, Naruto and Lee- all in their pajamas holding an assortment of creative weapons. Kiba held a videogame controller in one hand, and a pair of handcuffs in the other. Lee wore a pair of boxing gloves, and Naruto held a three-foot sandwich.

"What happened? What's going here? Are you hurt, Sakura?" Naruto asked urgently as he looked around in complete bewilderment. "We heard you scream and-"

"Sai! What are you doing here? Sakura? Are you naked?" Lee stared at the two of them.

Sakura rolled her eyes," No Lee, I'm not naked. I always take showers with my clothes on."

"What a wonderful idea Sakura, I'll try it too!" Lee replied dramatically as stars practically leaped out of his eyes.

"You dope," Kiba said slapping Lee on the head, "She was being sarcastically. She's obviously naked. Look, you can kind of see her boobs through the shower curtain."

"Okay that's it! All of you- get out NOW!" Sakura bellowed, "Or there'll be no breakfast today!"

"Fine, fine," Kiba rolled his eyes as he, Naruto and Lee dragged Sai out of the bathroom, "We were only trying to help."

Naruto turned around and winked at her, "Next time you want me in here, you don't have to scream to get my attention."

"Swell..." Sakura muttered under her breath.

Sakura made sure they were long gone before getting out of the shower and going back to get her shampoo. As she showered- she made sure to lock the door to her bedroom, and the bathroom door. She wasn't going to make the same mistake ever again.

"_Ugh..._" She thought to herself as she tried to blow dry her stringy hair, "_What a way to start off my first day at work._"

* * *

"What would you guys like for breakfast?"

"Peanut butter sandwich!"

"Pie!"

"Pizza!"

"You!"

"Milk!"

"Pie!"

"Britney Spears!"

Sakura raised an eyebrow, "Alright, scrambled eggs and grapefruit it is!"

"NOO!" Chouji whined, "That's not enough for me!"

"Me too!" Naruto echoed, "I need more than fruit and eggs to last!"

Sakura sighed, and closed her eyes, "Listen, I have less than an hour to make you guys all breakfast, get my bags ready, and then get to Konoha University. Just please, just this once, just for today, work with me until I can get used to this!"

"Alright, fine." Kiba said, "But only because you're cute." And he winked at her. Only this time, Sakura smiled.

"Scrambled Eggs and Grapefruit it is!" Lee shouted gleefully.

"But I want second servings!" Chouji grumbled.

Miraculously, after several tantrums from Chouji and Naruto, and between thirty or so dirty dishes, Sakura managed to leave the house for University at exactly fifteen minutes before class.

"Oh no, I'm definitely going to be late now." She muttered as she dashed out the door, and bolted down the street. "Great, it's the first day of College, and I'm already late."

As she reached the intersection, a sleek, black car intercepted her path. The window rolled down to reveal... _Sasuke_. Sakura felt her cheeks heat up just by looking at him.

"Hey, need a ride?" He asked her, "I'm heading to Konoha University too."

Sakura flushed as she got into the car beside him, "Thanks. You don't know how much this means to me."

"No problem." He replied.

"Do all you guys go to Konoha University?" Sakura asked timidly.

Sasuke nodded his head.

"So you must give the other guys rides all the time."

At this, Sasuke's expression darkened, and Sakura immediately regretted saying it.

"I don't get too well with the others." He said shortly. The sharp edge of his tone was a sign that the conversation was over.

The rest of the ride was in complete silence. Sakura was too scared to say anything in fear of offending Sasuke.

As they reached the University, Sakura thanked him, and rushed out of the car in relief.

"_Phew..._" She sighed and thought to herself, "_That was the most tense and awkward ride I've ever had._"

She looked down at her schedule, and moaned, "This is what I get for taking so many courses. Eight o'clock biology, eleven o'clock physics, three o'clock chemistry, _and_ five-thirty calculus. I'm going to be here till seven! That's eleven straight hours!"

Sakura looked around trying to spot a friendly face.

"Hey wait a minute, isn't that…" she stopped midway and saw a boy with long brown hair, and pale eyes standing approximately ten feet in front of her, "It's that obnoxious guy… Neji, was it?"

Before Sakura had a chance to say anything, a girl whizzed passed her and dashed to Neji's side.

"Hey Neji!" She beamed at him; the two buns on her head wobbled slightly, "How was your summer?"

"Fine."

"Well… what class do you have now?" the girl asked, trying to start a conversation with him.

"Biology."

"_Ack!_" Sakura mentally screamed, "_He has first period with me!_"

"Would you… like me to help you carry your books?" the girl asked hopefully, "My class is right next door to yours."

"No thank you." And with that, he sped up and walked ahead of her, leaving the poor girl all alone.

Sakura felt extremely bad for her, and animosity toward Neji.

"_How dare he!_" she thought furiously to herself, "_What a pompous ass that idiot is!_"

She didn't exactly know what made her do it, but she ran up to the girl, and gave her a bright smile, "Hey, I'm Sakura! Nice to meet you!"

The girl merely gave her a sad smile, "Hi, I'm Ten-Ten. I guess you saw what just happened, didn't you?"

Sakura blushed slightly and looked down, "Er- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hear, but I was just…"

Ten-Ten cut her off, "It's okay, don't worry about it." She gave a sad sigh, "So do you know that guy?"

"That… guy?" Sakura laughed nervously, "I guess you could say we've met once or twice." She didn't feel that telling this stranger here that she actually lived with him… and nine other guys, was a good idea.

"So, is he always like that?" Sakura asked.

"Like what?"

"You know, that I've-got-a-stick-up-my-fanny-and-I'm-not-planning-on-pulling-it-out attitude."

Ten-Ten laughed, "Well, I guess… But I just don't understand. He didn't used to be like that to me." She sighed sadly.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked gently.

"Well, we were lab partners for the whole entire year last term, and we got along fairly well. Honestly, he is one of the smartest guys I've ever met. His rank in high school was number one for all four years." She stopped to take a breath; "He was extremely helpful and would always take time to help me with my homework and studies."

"So what happened?"

Ten-Ten shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know. Ever since the summer time… He's been so moody and upset around me. He doesn't answer my calls, he barely goes to the library anymore… and I just don't know what happened. We used to be so close." Her voice began to wobble slightly as she fought to hold tears back.

Sakura gave Ten-Ten an awkward hug, "I'm sure he has his reasons, and he'll be back to normal soon." She told Ten-Ten gently, "He's probably just going through one of his boy phases."

"I hope so," she wiped her eyes, "Anyways, I better go, I'm going to be late for class." She reached into her bag for a slip of paper and pen, "Thank you so much for talking to me, stranger." She smiled, "I really appreciated it. Here's my phone number and address, if you ever want to hang out or something. I promise, I'm not always this depressing." Ten-Ten grinned at Sakura before she dashed off to class.

Sakura smiled slightly, still in a slight daze. It wasn't until the second bell rang that she realized she had thirty seconds to run across halfway across the school and get to class.

Sakura dashed for Biology Class and made it just before the bell rang. She looked around and found a lot of familiar faces in her class. She saw Naruto waving at her eagerly and pointing to an empty seat beside him, and she mentally groaned and plastered a big smile on her face.

"Hello Naruto," she chuckled nervously as she settled down beside him.

"Settle down, settle down everyone." Their professor called loudly to the class. She was extremely young looking, definitly around her twenties. "You may call me Shizune."

The lady smiled as murmurs began going about the class as to why they were calling their professor by her first name, "I don't think I'm old enough to be referred to as Ms. yet"

She began by taking attendance. Surprisingly, Sasuke and a few other familiar names were in this class.

"I must remind you, _this is not an easy course_," she said, "This subject requires a lot of time. You will not be able to just cruise by. I guarantee you, if you do not study the materials and follow the instructions, failing is inevitable."

Sakura heard Naruto gulp as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Are we clear?"

The class nodded nervously.

"Good, now we'll assign lab partners." She smiled, "This always seems to be the most interesting event throughout the term. I will ask the first twenty-five students, so half the class, on the attendance sheet to pick out a piece of paper from this bag. On the slip, I've written the names of the remaining half of the class. The person's name you pick will be your lab partner for the entire year. _No exceptions._"

Around the rooms, people began to cross their fingers.

"First one up is Akimichi, Chouji"

Chouji wobbled down the classroom, as students around smirked and pointed to his figure. He reached a chubby hand into the bag and pulled out a slip.

"All right, please read the name." Shizune instructed.

Chouji gulped, as the paper began to shake in his hand and he called, "Yamanaka, Ino."

"WHAT!" a cry from the back of the room was heard, as a petit blonde made her way down the classroom, several boys wolf whistled . "Listen Ms. Shizune. I can not work with this guy."

Shizune raised an eyebrow, "And why not?"

"Because... he doesn't do _anything_. It's not fair. I'm going to have to end up doing all the work and he's just going to sit around and eat. I'm not going to have time for anything other than this class because I'll be doing work for two."

"Well, I'm sure you'll find a way to solve your issues." Shizune replied coldly, "I don't care if you become a social outcast for the rest of your life. You are working with Mr. Akimichi here."

Ino looked utterly defeated as she stomped her way back up to her seat, cursing under her breath, "There is no freaking way in _hell_ I'm going to work with Shamu. I'd rather work with that dumb ass looking guy in the orange suit over there."

Sakura mentally slapped Ino. "_Funny, she didn't use to be like this._ _I can't believe we used to be friends._"

After a couple more tears and tantrums, including some extremely creative usage of swear-words and name calling, it was finally...

"Ms. Haruno?" Shizune called, "It's your turn."

Sakura made her way down slowly, running down the list of people she could possibly end up with. "_Oh god, I hope I get a decent guy... Oh please let me get someone intelligent... And please don't let me get Naruto. Nothing against him and all but he doesn't seem like the very intelligent kind of person._"

She reached into the bag and pulled out a slip of paper.

Her whole body began to shake and she could feel her face becoming red again. She stared down wide-eyed at the name in front of her.

_Hyuuga, Neji_

* * *

So… What did you think?

I know I made Ino kind of bitchy this chapter. But don't worry, that's not what she's really like- there's something about her that no one knows, and she'll show her nice side soon enough.

**HALL OF FAME a.k.a the Coolio List:  
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THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH :)

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Till Next Chapter,  
OnlyTheGoodDieYoung


	4. Too Much Testosterone!

Hey everyone!

Wow, it's been a long while since I updated this story. ENJOY! :]

* * *

**The Trouble With Men Is**

**Chapter 4**  
**...They Have Too Much Testosterone!**

"_Well, it's kind of like that here... except instead of 'follow-the-yellow-brick-road' it's 'follow-the-long-road-of-beer-bottles-and-vomit'"_

_

* * *

_

"_Damn it! Why couldn't I have gotten Naruto!_"

Sakura seemed to have momentarily lost all control of her voice box, as no sound would come out.

"Ms. Haruno," Shizune said impatiently, "Are you incapable of reading?"

Scattered laughing was heard around the classroom as Sakura's face turned ten shades of red.

"Sorry," Sakura muttered as she hung her head in shame, "I... spaced out for a minute. The person I got is Hyuuga, Neji."

Whispering began as neighbors started to gossip amongst themselves. As Sakura walked back to her seat, she heard Naruto mutter to her, "Lucky girl... you're pretty much guaranteed an A+ for this class."

Sakura was slightly annoyed. Why do they all assume that just because she was with this so-called amazing Hyuuga, Neji, she would be making no contributions to their work?

"_How dare they underestimate me._" She thought defiantly to herself. "_Well... I guess I'll just have to prove them wrong." _

Sakura was a straight-A student in high school, valedictorian of her class, and secretary of her student body. Not to mention she juggled varsity tennis and two jobs on the side. At the end of high school, along with receiving a very generous scholarship, she had saved up enough money to pay for her first two years at Konoha University. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, she had to put the money to use elsewhere and defer her first year of University.

"... And last but not least, we have Hyuuga, Hinata." Shizune called out, "However, since there is only one other unpaired person left in this room, Ms. Hyuuga will be with..." She scrolled down her attendance list to look for the last unpaired student.

Again, muttering arose throughout the room. Sakura was pretty sure she knew what their hot topic was.

"Hyuuga?" Sakura whispered to Naruto, "Did Shizune say Hyuuga?"

Naruto nodded his head, "Yeah, Hyuuga Hinata is Neji's cousin."

Sakura looked around the room to spot the girl, but she didn't have to look far. Sitting directly behind her was a timid girl in the spitting of her cousin.

"Hello there," Sakura smiled at her, "I'm Haruno, Sakura."

The timid girl gave a shy smile, "H-Hi I'm Hinata."

"Hinata!" Naruto grinned, "I didn't even notice you behind me! You should've said something!"

Hinata blushed, 'Sorry Naruto. I did not want to bother you."

"Nah, you're never bothering me!" Naruto replied jovially, "Say, it looks like we're going to end up being partners, eh?"

Before Hinata could reply, Shizune finally located the missing person.

"Hyuuga, Hinata, you will be paired with... Uchiha, Sasuke."

"_What?_" Sakura thought with a frown, "_Sasuke is in this class? I didn't even notice him._"

But sure enough, sitting in the very back row in the corner, was Mr. Uchiha Sasuke.

"Ma'am," Naruto called out, "There must be some mistake! My name was not called!"

Shizune frowned slightly, "What's your name?"

"Uzumaki, Naruto!"

The professor scanned the list again, "Sorry Mr. Uzumaki. You are not on the list. Did you sign up late for this class?"

"Uhhh... no I don't think so ma'am."

"Let me check the database for your timetable." Shizune said, opening her laptop. "Hmm... let's see..."

As if almost on cue, the class began to chatter again.

A couple of minutes later, Shizune found the source of the problem. "Mr. Uzumaki, you _were_ signed up for this course. However, you dropped it and replaced it with Woman's Studies."

The entire class burst into laughter. Even Hinata grinned.

"What?" Naruto exclaimed angrily, "No way! I never signed up for that crap! There must be a mistake! Can you change it back?"

Shizune raised an eyebrow, "I'm sorry, Mr. Uzumaki, there is nothing I can do. I suggest you talk to the Department head to see if you can get the course changed back. In the meantime, you should go to your intended class. You could be missing out on very important information."

Naruto's face turned as bright as his jumpsuit as he trudged out of his seat and to the door, but not before shouting to the entire class, "I'll find out which one of you assholes did this to me, and when I do, I'm going to take that women's studies course and shove it-"

Shizune then proceeded to slam the door in Naruto's face. She grinned and continued, "Well, that was a nice way to start off the year!"

* * *

Sakura's next couple of classes was interesting, but none were as eventful as Biology.

All her professors so far, with the exception of Professor Shizune, were extremely... eccentric. Her physics professor, who bore a strong resemblance to her housemate Rock Lee, was overenthusiastic and tried to get a student to jump off 10 ft hedge in order to get an accurate measuring of distance and time. Her chemistry professor was like the female version of Naruto; egotistical, flashy and kind of crazy/sadistic. She told her students that if any of them were ever late, she was going to take her three ft metal rod and jam it up their "unmentionables".

"_Oh god,_" Sakura looked down at her schedule- only one more class left. To her relief, it was calculus. "_I hope this professor isn't nutters._"

Due to her exemplar mathematics skills and grades, Sakura managed to enroll in a third year math course. The head of mathematics told her it was rare, but not unheard of, and that her and her parents should be very proud of her achievement.

One downfall to this advanced calculus class was that it was that it ran from 5:30-7:00 p.m., which meant during winter, it was already be pitch black when she got home; then, she would have to cook for ten hungry and angry boys... meaning she wouldn't be able to start on homework until 10-11 at night.

"_Next morning's 8:30 a.m. lab is going to be a bitch and a half._" She sighed to herself.

She timidly entered the classroom, and to her relief, the professor was not wielding a three ft metal rod, nor did she try to surprise her students by pretending to tackle them. The woman looked to be in her mid-thirties, with shoulder length dark hair and hazel eyes. As Sakura walked by, the woman gave her a small nod and smile.

There weren't many people there yet, but she couldn't help but notice that one guy looked exactly like Uchiha, Sasuke. He had the same eyes, the same angular face, though they parted their hair different, it had the same glossy shine. However, this guy appeared much older. Sakura had thought Sasuke to look sophisticated amongst their housemates, but even Sasuke's sophistication could not compare this strangers. The guy seemed to have noticed her gaping at him and he slowly turned his gaze towards her.

Sakura blushed and quickly looked away and located a seat at the opposite corner of the Sasuke-clone.

"Hello there," a voice called out to her, snapping her out of her intense pondering of the Sasuke-clone. "Fancy meeting you in this class."

Sakura looked up to see Shikamaru sitting beside her, "You're in this class?"

Her housemate smirked, "Don't look so surprised woman, I'm not as stupid as I seem."

"Oh no, tha-that's not what I meant!" Sakura said, looking flustered and at a loss for words once again.

Shikamaru smiled, "Nah, it's okay. I'm just playing."

"How was your day so far?" Sakura asked.

"Meh... you know, the usual." Shikamaru replied sluggishly, "You?"

"It was interesting to say the least. There seems to be a lot of... unique professors here."

Shikamaru laughed, "That's Konoha for you. But don't worry, our calculus professor, Professor Yuhi, is the most down-to-earth woman you will ever meet."

"You've had her before?"

"Well... not exactly. I guess you could say I got to know her well through a mutual friend."

"Professor Yuhi!" A loud pompous voice interrupted their conversation, "Great to see _you_ again! You are looking as beautiful as usual."

The professor gave the speaker a withering look. "Hidan, please don't tell me you're retaking this class."

"Aw," The one named "Hidan" ran a hand through his bleach white hair as his piercing blue eyes turned into a feigned frown. At this point, Sakura noticed that he was extremely good looking, though she'd never admit that to herself. "I'm not even allowed to visit my favorite professor during my spare?"

"How kind and thoughtful of you." She said with a thin-lipped smile and a touch of sarcasm. "I assume you're in your fourth year?"

"Oh yeah. Last year... then I'm getting the fuck outta here."

Professor Yuhi winced at his language, but said nothing. It was as if she was used to his sass and had just learned to deal with it.

"So this is your new batch," Hidan said, scanning around the room. Sakura noticed that his eyes stopped momentarily when he saw the Sasuke-clone, but neither made an effort to acknowledge the other. Suddenly, Hidan's eyes stopped on her, and he raised an eyebrow in interest.

Sakura noticed this, and was determined to ignore it.

Hidan walked until he was right in front of her desk. She looked up at him and game him a questionable look. "Yes?"

"So, wanna go out sometimes?" He asked casually. Beside Sakura, Shikamaru looked back and forth between the two of them, as if they were in an intense tennis match.

She cocked her head and rolled her eyes, "Why hello, it's nice to meet you too." She replied exasperatedly. "That's how you _usually_ introduce yourself."

He kneeled down so his face was level with hers, "You still haven't answered my question yet." He whispered. She felt his cool, minty breath on her face and could not help but blush.

"That's enough Hidan," Professor Yuhi called out sternly, "Stop harassing my students and leave. I will be starting class."

"Aw, major cock block," He pouted to Professor Yuhi. He then turned his attention back to Sakura; "I'll see _you _later. I heard there's going to be a party on 250 Ichiraku Dr. You better show up." He winked.

Sakura mouthed a silent "thank you" her professor, who returned it with a kind smile.

She couldn't help but notice the address, 250 Ichiraku Dr., sounded awfully familiar...

She turned toward Shikamaru to ask him about it, but he merely stared off with his mouth open in shock.

"Shika... maru?" She said slowly, "Are you okay?"

He did not reply. Sakura frowned slightly. What could have gotten Shikamaru this worked up?

"_I wonder where I heard the address... 250 Ichiraku Dr., 250 Ichiraku Dr., 250... Ichi..._"

No way.

No.

Flipping.

Way.

Shikamaru's expression. The address. It all made sense now.

"Shikamaru, please, please, _PLEASE_ tell me this isn't true." Sakura cried in desperation, "Tell me Kiba, Naruto and them _aren't_ throwing a party."

"Nope... it's happening... people are probably arriving in..." He glanced at his clock, "Less than two hours."

"But... but..." She sputtered, "Jiraiya specifically told me he forbade parties!"

"Ha!" Shikamaru snorted, "All you have to do is mention 'young, eligible bachelorettes" and he's all for it."

"That man is way too easy to manipulate."

"Tell me about it."

* * *

Right as calculus ended, the two of them bolted back home.

They could tell- or actually "hear", two blocks ahead, the music that boomed from their house.

"Hmm..." Shikamaru said between huffs and grunts as they ran down the street, "I... hate... this... song."

"I... know... what... you... mean..." Sakura replied back in the same vocal pattern.

A block away, they began to notice scattered garbage on the ground.

"Have you ever seen _Wizard of Oz_?" Sakura suddenly asked.

"What?"

"You know the yellow-brick road Dorothy follows?"

"Err- sure?"

"Well, it's kind of like that here... except instead of 'follow-the-yellow-brick-road' it's 'follow-the-long-road-of-beer-bottles-and-vomit'"

They finally reached the front of their house, and the two of them stared in utter shock.

On their front lawn, were at least one hundred people. Most of the girls had on a guy or a skimpy bathing suit.

"Doesn't anyone complain!" Sakura shouted to Shikamaru.

"What? How do I have a brain?" Shikamaru shouted back confused, "Is that what you said?"

"NO! DOESN'T ANYONE COMPLAIN!" Sakura shouted. "DOESN'T ANYONE CALL IN THE NOISE VIOLATION?"

"Oh, NO! ONLY STUDENTS LIVE AROUND HERE!" he shouted back, "UNFORTUNATELY."

"_Oh God I hope it's better on the inside..._" she prayed to herself as she opened the door. No such luck. The room was a mess. Garbage... broken glass... spilled drinks were everywhere. "_I did not sign up for this..._"

"At least the music isn't that loud here." Shikamaru said, "I can actually hear my brain scream now."

"I'm going to go look for Naruto and Kiba." Sakura said, "And then do some bodily harm to them."

Shikamaru nodded, "Good idea. I'll go look for them too."

The two of them split up to find the culprits responsible.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, "Hey there, pretty lady. Fancy seeing you here."

She turned around and was face to face with Hidan.

Sakura groaned to herself.

"_Great. Just what I needed... more testosterone in my life!_"

* * *

... And there you have it!  
More coming soon! :]  
I'm going to try really hard to finish this story before summer's over.

Some cameo appearances today by a couple of characters. Don't worry I will focus on the other guys too throughout the next couple of chapters. :]

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	5. Their Stupid BroCode!

Enjoy!

* * *

**The Trouble With Men Is**

**Chapter 5**  
**... Their stupid Bro-Code!**

..._And the rest, they say, is history. Or in this case a total ass-whooping session._

_

* * *

_

"MERCY!"

"BEG ME!"

"PLEASE! MERCY!"

"Only if you tell me where Kiba and the rest of them are hiding!"

Sakura had Naruto pinned on the ground as she twisted his arm behind his back. Thank God for self-defense classes.

"I...I...I can't!" Naruto cried, "OW!"

Sakura pulled his arm further back, "Why can't you!" She demanded.

"Because..." he muttered something under his breath.

"What's that?" Sakura growled.

"Because... Bros before hos!"

"What?" Sakura fumed, getting angrier by the second. "Did you just call me a ho?"

"No! That's not what I meant! It's... it's in the code of Manhood! Part of the Bro code!" Naruto cried desperately, "If we break the code... we'll never get laid! _Ever_!"

Sakura gave a maniacal laugh, "Oh trust me Naruto, after I'm through with you, you won't even have the proper _tools_ to get laid."

* * *

"Where's Naruto? Haven't seen him in a while. I thought he said he was coming right back?" Lee said, as his eyes were fixating on the TV screen, and his hands were preoccupied with a video game controller. "Didn't he say he was going to take a shit?"

"Who knows." Kiba replied, with the same glazed look as Lee. "He's probably trying and failing miserably in hitting on some poor girl."

"Do you think it's sad that there are hot drunk girls downstairs and we're up here playing a video game?" Lee wondered out loud.

"Nope, we wait till near the _end_ of the party." Kiba said, "That's when they're past that fun-party-drunk stage and are in the feeling depressed-and-lonely-stage. Trust me, girls are super horny during that time."

"Nice to see you're keeping it classy." Neji said, as he stepped into the room.

"Neji!" Lee beamed, "Nice to see you here! Figured you'd be in the library or something."

"I was, until I received a very disjointed and threatening voicemail from our maid." He said, replaying the message for the guys.

"Neji! Where's- put that down you- Naruto! He is- seriously, if you don't put that down I'll shove it up your- loud smash- GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOW! –crash- -crash- -crash- OW MY FOOT! I really hope –bam- you didn't have anything to do with –smash- this or I swear on my grave I will- THERE YOU ARE NARUTO! GET BACK HERE! –shit Sakura sorry, listen to me it wasn't all just me I- I'LL KILL YOU!-"

The voicemail clicked off.

"And that's all I got." Neji said putting his cell phone back into his pocket.

All the boys in the room, which consisted of Chouji, Lee, and Kiba looked at each other in fear.

"Oh... shit..." Kiba said shakily, "Naruto's dead."

"N-not just Naruto..." Lee said in an equally shaky voice, "We're all dead."

"W-what if Naruto gives away our location!" Chouji suddenly exclaimed in fear.

"No I don't think so." Kiba replied, grinning slightly, "I just taught him the Bro-Code yesterday. He thinks that if he breaks it, he's gonna get a never-going-to-get-laid curse put on him. You know he would never do anything to jeopardize his chances of _that_."

"We're safe." Lee sighed in relief, "Well, back to video games."

"KIBA! LEE! GET YOUR ASSES HERE NOW!" a voice bellowed as stomps were heard coming up the staircase.

"Shit!" Kiba cried, "That bastard ratted us out!"

"RUN!"

...And the rest, they say, is history. Or in this case a total ass-whooping session.

* * *

"I still can't feel my left arm."

"I still have _nightmares_ about that night."

"I know what you mean... I can't sleep without locking my door."

Shikamaru sighed as he looked down at his four friends lying on the couch nursing their wounded ego. "You guys shouldn't have thrown that party."

"Shut up, Shikamaru." Naruto pouted, "See, this is why we don't tell you stuff anymore! You'll just rat us out!"

"Look who's talking? You filthy squealer!" Kiba retorted angrily, grabbing another icepack and putting it onto his bruised arms.

Chouji shook his head sadly, "Can't believe you squealed on us."

"She threatened to take away my manhood!" Naruto protested, "My family jewels were on the line!"

"Trust me, you wouldn't have lost anything noticeable or worth missing." Kiba snorted.

"Listen here you ass-wipe, I'm going to make it clear-" Naruto began angrily, getting up.

"-So what's this I hear about you guys getting owned by our maid?" A new person entered the room and into their conversation. He sat down next to Kiba on the couch and gave the four guys withering looks.

"Oh man, not you too Sasuke!" Lee said burying his head in shame. "Does everyone know of this?"

"Well, there were a couple of girls I passed by who didn't." Sasuke replied with a smirk, "But I made sure to fill them in."

"Bastard..." Kiba muttered under his breath.

At this moment, Sakura stomped into the room with a vacuum cleaner. She promptly ignored all them.

"Aw Sakura," Naruto whined, "It's been three days! Are you still mad at us?"

Sakura ignored him.

"Sakuuuuuuuu-raaaaaa!" Naruto whined even more, "We said we were soooooorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy! Plleeeeeeeeeeasssssssse forgive us!"

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Naruto, dragging out every single word you say isn't going to make me forgive you. It's only going to make me angrier."

"Why are you still mad at us?" Kiba asked, "We helped clean up everything afterwards."

"You really want to know why? You _really_ want to know why?" Sakura glared daggers at the boys, who all shrunk back in fear.

"Hey Kiba..." Lee whispered to him, "Do...do we want to know? Is it worth our lives?"

Sakura continued angrily, "Well, because of all of _you_, I've probably been getting on average three hours of sleep every night because not only do I have to cook, I have to clean up after your huge mess!"

"Hey! We helped you!" Naruto protested.

"Naruto, shoving everything into one room does not count as cleaning up." Sakura said through clenched teeth. "Neither does throwing everything into our neighbors yard. Or anyone else's yard. Do you know how many complaints I've gotten over the past couple of days?"

They all stared at her blankly.

"On top of all that..." Sakura's face turned slightly red, "I have to go on a stupid date with some pompous ass!"

At this, everyone's attention perked up.

As if on cue, Jiraiya's face popped through the door, "Sakura? Are you... really going on a date? With who? Why? Am I- err- I mean are _we_ not good enough for you?"

"What? Sakura!" Lee cried, looking wounded, "Why? Why must you break my heart like this?"

"Well, he was just so annoying and forceful and I was just so preoccupied with finding you guys that I just said whatever he wanted to hear to get him away. One thing led to another and I just... kind of agreed to a date this Saturday." She blushed and looked at her feet.

"Who is this guy?" Lee demanded, "How dare he be forceful with my lovely flower! I'll kick his ass!"

"His name's Hidan." Sakura muttered, turning a shade of red that wasn't even available in Crayola's brand new 200-crayon box set.

The guys all gaped at her.

Kiba snorted, "Still going to kick his ass Lee?"

"Yes!" Lee replied indignantly. However, there was a sliver of fear in his voice, "I'm not afraid of him!"

Sasuke smirked at Sakura; "Looks like you're going on a date with our starting quarterback."

And just like that, Sakura's life got _so_ much more complicated- in more ways than she can imagine.

* * *

Finally the week was almost over. It was Friday morning and, like that first day, Sakura had biology with Professor Shizune in the morning.

She was dead tired. She had spent the majority of the past couple of days cleaning up after the "welcoming" party on Monday.

Despite all the drama throughout the week, the week seemed to have whizzed by. It's funny how quickly one gets accustomed to "crazy". All of Sakura's five senses seemed to have gotten used to the vulgar sights, sounds, and smells of the guys.

"_Hmm... let's see... what happened this week?_" Sakura's mind wandered from the lecture.

Tuesday: Naruto and Lee tried making Sakura "forgive-me" dinner. However, they only ended up burning the food and nearly taking half the kitchen with them. More work for Sakura.

Wednesday: The guys (consisting of Naruto, Lee, Kiba, Jiraiya, and Chouji) decided to have a milk-chugging contest. Three out of five of them ended up vomiting their guts out. Only one out of three of them made it to the bathroom on time. Even more work for Sakura.

Thursday: Revealed to them she was going on a date with Konoha's oh-so-special star quarterback. Naruto and Kiba tried to put hidden cameras into her room. She caught them and, again, gave them the beating of a lifetime. Naruto spent the night in the hospital with a minor concussion.

Friday: ... nothing _yet_. But Sakura was on guard. Too bad she was wary of the wrong people.

Sakura was sitting next to Hinata, who was a sweet, but dull, girl.

"Sakura! Hey Sakura!" A voice hissed at her. Sakura turned around to stare into the icy-blue eyes of her ex-best friend- Yamanaka, Ino.

"What do you want?" Sakura hissed back.

Ino smirked, and whispered, "I never knew you were into sloppy seconds."

Sakura frowned, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know." Ino replied back, glaring daggers. "If you're trying to get back at me, it's not going to work. I don't know what rumors you heard, but _I_ was the one who dumped _him_."

"What? Are you high?"

Ino looked dumbfound. "Wait- you mean you _actually_ didn't know?"

"Know what?" Sakura was starting to get impatient.

"Oh... never mind then."

"No, tell me-"

"Ladies!" Shizune said as a marked whizzed past Sakura, barely missing her face.

"Eh, sorry professor Shizune." Sakura let out a nervous giggle, "It won't happen again."

Shizune glared at the two culprits, "It better not, or else I'll have to tell that orange-jumpsuit guy that there's openings in this class."

"Thanks a lot, Sakura," Ino whispered sarcastically through clenched teeth, "Getting me in trouble in the first week of classes!"

Sakura was about to retort back with something nasty, but decided against it as Shizune was still watching them out of the corner of her eye.

For the next two classes, Sakura could not concentrate. All she could think about was what Ino had said to her.

"_What on Earth could that blonde bimbo be talking about?_" Sakura thought to herself as she walked lazily to her last class.

"Hello there gorgeous," An arm suddenly went around her shoulder. "Miss me?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and pushed Hidan away. "Sorry, I have to run. I'm going to class."

"What class do you have now?"

"Advanced calculus." She replies stiffly.

"I'll walk you there." He grinned, placing his arm around her once more with more force this time, as if challenging her to push it away again.

Sakura's face flushed as onlookers gaped at them. Everyone seemed to know who this hotshot quarterback was.

"So you must be _some_ quarterback." Sakura said with a hint of sarcasm. Luckily, Hidan did not catch on.

He smirked, "Oh yeah. Three years quarterback, three years champion."

"Swell..." Sakura muttered under her breath.

"You should come to our game next Saturday. Watch me kick some ass."

"I'll see." She replied curtly, "Anyways, I really have to tell you something about tomorrow. Something came up and I don't think I can-"

"Hiiiiiidaaaaan!" A feminine voice called out to him, interrupting Sakura's conversation, "Come grab lunch with us!"

A group of girls were calling him over. Sakura recognized one of the girls in the crowd as her housemate's "muse". Kin Tsuchi, was it? The girl seemed to have recognized Sakura too, as her jaw dropped in shock.

"I gotta run, but I'll pick you up at seven tomorrow night!" He gave her a wink before running to the girls. Before the crowd walked away, Sakura heard one of them say, "Hidan, who was that? Honestly, I'm really starting to question your tastes. Ever since that Ino..."

Sakura perked up when she heard Ino's name, but they were out of earshot.

"Damn it!" She cursed under her breath, "I _always_ miss the good parts, or when they're about to get good!"

If only Sakura wasn't running on caffeine and three hours of sleep, she would've been able to easily connect the dots.

The clock chime snapped Sakura's mind back into reality as she dashed to calculus class.

She ended up getting there ten minutes early. But as usual, there were already people seated. She couldn't help but notice that the Sasuke-clone was always here before her, and always took the same spot in the back corner. However, she always took the same spot diagonally across from him.

Shikamaru gave her an acknowledging nod as she walked into class as she took the seat beside him. Out of all the guys in the house, Sakura felt the most comfortable with Shikamaru. The two of them seemed to have bonded through their shared calculus class... and Monday's events. But they don't really talk about that.

Now that she really thought about it, Shikamaru was the _only_ one she felt any connection to. During the past week, she had barely seen Gaara, Shino, Sasuke, Sai, and Neji. She sees Gaara, Shino, Sasuke, and Neji during dinnertime, but they mostly kept to themselves. She probably saw Sasuke and Neji twice outside of dinner and classes. She hadn't seen Sai _at all_ ever since that awkward encounter. Perhaps that was a good thing, considering the ruckus the rest of the guys, especially Naruto, was more than enough for her to handle.

"Say, Shikamaru?" Sakura wondered, "How come I never see so many of the guys?"

"Well... Neji's always at the library studying, and I think Sasuke's there as well. Shino spends most of his time here at the University in the biology department doing his internship. Gaara... I'm not sure. He has two siblings here, so I assume he spends most of his time with them. As for Sai... not a clue. That guy doesn't interact with us much."

"Does he talk to you guys at all?" Sakura asked.

"Eh, on the rare occasion he does talk to us, it's usually to insult our manhood." Shikamaru said sheepishly, "He loves talking about Naruto's penis, or rather, his _lack_ of penis."

"I see... so they've always been like this."

"Don't take any of their behavior personally. This is just what our house has always been like. Frankly, I'm surprised you managed to last this long. The other maid actually had it easier than you did. She was here during summer, and most people go home during that time. She had yet to experience the beginning of the year where people barely have any work and everyone wants to party."

Sakura smiled, "Are you complimenting me, Mr. Nara?"

Shikamaru blushed and looked the other way, "Whatever. I'm just stating the facts."

Suddenly, a head plopped on her table, making Sakura yelp and lung back in her seat.

"Sorry there," The man grinned, with his long blonde hair covering half of his sinister smile, "Didn't mean to scare you, un."

"W-who are you?"

"How rude of me." He replied, "My name is Deidara, and that guy is Sasori. We're both in this class, un." He pointed to the red head sitting two desks away. The man merely gave her a disparaging nod and looked away.

The blonde's smile widened, showing a row of straight, white teeth. "So you're Hidan's _new_ girlfriend, un?"

Sakura's temper immediately flared up, "I'm not his girlfriend! I only agreed to go on one stupid date with him! That _does not_ make me his girlfriend!"

"Whoa there little lady! Calm down!" Deidara laughed, "I'm only stating the inevitable, un."

She continued to glare daggers at him. However, his twisted smile did not falter.

He bent down so his face was level was hers, and only inches apart. This scenario was all too familiar in Sakura's head as a wave of déjà vu washed over her.

"If it's any consolation. I'm giving you three weeks with the guy. That's three times the amount of time I gave the other girls before they got their asses dumped."

"Oh don't you worry." She replied coldly, "I don't plan on just being on notch on someone's best post."

The blonde laughed, "Oh, none of them _plan_ it! It just happens."

This guy was seriously getting on Sakura's last nerve. She clenched her fists. It took all her willpower to stop herself from smacking this bastard across the face. How _dare_ he degrade her like that!

Just then, Professor Yuhi entered the room, and most people began shifting back to their seats.

Deidara gave her a wink and whispered mockingly, "If you need a shoulder to cry on... you know where to find me, un" before returning to his seat next to the redhead.

What a way to end off the first week of classes.

If only she knew of the events that were about to unfold...

* * *

"Saaaaaaakuraaaa!" Naruto whined, "Why are you going on a date with this guy?"

"I told you a million times Naruto!" Sakura rolled her eyes, "Now leave me alone! I have to get ready."

Yes, she could've just gone wearing something sloppy and disorganized and completely turn him off. However, Sakura had too much womanly pride to ever let that happen. She picked out a nice outfit and put on a little bit of makeup.

As much as she dreaded the date, she couldn't help but feel a little bit of pride in herself. After all, she, this plain old Sakura, has managed to snag a date with the most eligible bachelor at Konoha University. That has got to count for _something_.

Besides, it's been a while since she'd been on a real date.

As for her living conditions, as bad as they seem now, this was still light years ahead of the hell she went through the previous year.

She was now waiting at the front door, with Naruto and Lee still trying to convince her not to go.

"You're breaking our hearts!" Lee cried, as he grabbed his chest, "You're wounding me!"

"Oh shut it, you drama queens." Sakura snapped, "And go back inside. I mean it."

Lee and Naruto pouted as they trudged, in defeat, back into the house. She heard them mutter under their breath, "What's so special about quarterback? I could totally be quarterback if I wanted to..."

Hidan's convertible strolled into their driveway at exactly seven. Not a minute too soon.

She entered the car, and the last thing she saw before it sped away was the image of Naruto and Lee's faces planted against the window, shaking their heads and yelling "no".

Sakura smiled slightly. As annoying Lee and Naruto were, they were very protective of her and it was kind of sweet.

"_But honestly though,_" Sakura thought to herself, "_What's the worst that could happen on a little date?_"

Little did she know, she would totally regret those words the next day.

The morning after would be the trigger to the slow unraveling of the house... and it's members.

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed that! :)

I know it seems kind of slow right now, but bare with me! More juicy stuff will be coming your way very soon!

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	6. Their Knack For Violence!

Sorry for the long wait! Here is chapter 6!

* * *

**The Trouble With Men Is**

**Chapter 6**  
**... Their Knack for Violence!**

_Ha. And they thought angry Sakura was bad. Hell hath no fury like an angry geezer_

* * *

Sakura couldn't help but admire how nice and clean his car was and how nice _he_ looked. He was wearing black dress pants and a simple blue dress shirt with an open collar. She could see why girls fawned over him. He looked like he stepped right out of an action movie where he saves the girl from the burning building and then takes her on his speedboat where they drive off into the sunset and find themselves on a beach somewhere in Hawaii... Okay let's not get carried away on the _first_ date. Sakura mentally snapped herself out of her fantasy.

She also could not understand why he went for _her_. He was a stud while she was just... well... _her_. She didn't have gigantic breasts or long, shiny hair. Sakura always thought of herself as rather plain looking. She was wearing something just as simple as he has, blue jeans and a dark blue top, yet she couldn't pull it off half as well as he could.

"Man, I did not know you lived at the party house." He flashed her a row of pearly whites.

"Oh yeah, it's super." She gave a sarcastic smile. "You know, living with ten guys and all. _Fun_."

"I know what you mean." He said.

"You deal with ten hormonal driven guys as well?"

Hidan chuckled, "Not exactly. I also live in an all guy house except for one girl. Except her conditions are slightly better than yours considering the fact that she's banging one of the guys on the side."

"Well let's hope I never have to resort to _that_." Sakura laughed nervously.

"So how exactly did you end up living with those crazy kids?" He asked.

"Wait sorry, I'm getting a call." She felt her phone vibrate and saw Naruto's ID on her cell phone. She rolled her eyes.

"What do you want, Naruto?" She hissed angrily into the phone.

"Hola, who ees theese Naruto person you speak of? I am not Naruto. I am your fazzur, young lady. I demand you to come home nao and dump that idiot you arrr dating."

"Naruto I have caller ID."

There was a pause on the other line. She heard mumbling in the background.

"Ohhh Naruto! Arrr remember eem! He was nice boy who lent me phone! You know, you should consider dating eem instead! He is way better than the creep you arrr weeth!"

"Okay, first of all, my father doesn't have a mixture of what can only be a pirate accent with bits of French, Cantonese and Transylvanian thrown in. Second of all, I am turning my phone off after this conversation. And lastly, don't eat all the cookie dough and fried bacon I left in the fridge."

"Wait, what? You left cookie dough and fried bacon in the fridge?" Naruto said, completely forgetting about whom he was supposed to be impersonating.

"Nope, but _gotcha_. See? Being tricked isn't so fun, is it?" And with that, she hung up the phone.

"Who the heck was that?" Hidan said as Sakura huffily threw her phone in her bag. "Was someone pretending to be your dad?"

"Just one of my overly protective housemates." She replied hastily, wanting to quickly change the subject. "So where are we going tonight?"

Hidan passed her another dashing smile, as he wagged his finger, "It's a surprise."

Sakura chucked nervously, "Lovely... more surprises."

"Here we are," Hidan said pulling up onto the curb, "I don't usually take girls here on the first date but I have a really good feeling about the two of us so..."

The rest of the words Hidan spoke were lost on Sakura as she saw the location of their first date.

_Konoha Titty Bar  
Best Strip Joint in Town!  
Topless wommen drink for free! (So ladies, get rid of those constraints and let your knockers fly!)_

Seriously, no good can come from a place that spells "wommen" wrong.

* * *

"What do you think they're doing right now?"

"She's probably on her knees right now giving him the best blow-"

"Okay Kiba, that's enough out of you."

Kiba, Lee, Naruto, Chouji and Shikamaru were lounging around in the living room attempting to watch television.

"Seriously though, when did Hidan get back out onto the market? I thought he was dating that Ino chick?" Lee said glumly as he mindlessly flipped through channels.

"Yamanaka, Ino?" Kiba said incredulously, "_Damn_, that blonde is hot as _hell_. Seriously, what is this guy's secret?"

"What happened to the two of them? Did he dump her?" Naruto asked.

"Nope," Jiraiya said, strolling casually into the living room, "Word on the street is that she dumped him. First time he's ever been dumped, apparently. Devastated the poor fellow, though he'd never show it."

"Does anyone find it creepy that Jiraiya randomly strolls into our house without warning and just jumps into the middle of our conversations?" said Kiba.

"Not as creepy as the fact that he knows more gossip than we do." said Shikamaru.

"What?" Jiraiya said defensively, "I'm old, I'm retired... there's not much to do around here than spy on girls in the locker room err- I mean spy on boys err- I mean... oh forget it. You guys all know what I do and how I do it."

There was an awkward pause.

"You know, you could get into a lot of trouble if you get caught." Shikamaru finally said, in an attempt to break the silence.

"Totally worth it." Jiraiya winked at them.

"This is way too depressing," Kiba finally said, "Let's go to my room and kill some zombies on my Xbox. We'll name all of them Hidan."

"Sounds good. And yes Jiraiya, you can come, and no Jiraiya, you cannot play." Naruto added.

"What? Why?" Jiraiya whined.

"Sorry bro, game is reserved only for those born after the 1900s." Kiba grinned.

"Why you-" Jiraiya growled, "You're lucky you're pretty... and that you pay me 700 dollars a month... and let me look at your playboy magazines..."

"You know where my porn stash is?"

"Dude... _everyone_ does." Chouji said.

* * *

"Lovely place here," Sakura said as she sidestepped a stripper giving a guy a lap dance, "Very... lively."

"I knew you'd like it." Hidan grinned at her. "Feel free to take your top off." He leaned close to her and whispered, "You are kind of the only woman in here with it on."

"Hidan, I'm the only woman in here who's not employed at Konoha Titty Bar." She said, "And I think I'll keep my top on, thank you very much."

The bar was tacky and cheap. There were tables with poles attached to the center and a stripper dancing on each one. The floors were dirty muddy and the walls were covered with pages from playboy magazines (she even recognized some of the pictures from flipping through Kiba's magazines). The lights were dim and the room was covered with a light layer of smoke from all the cigarettes. Even with the bad lighting, she could've sworn she saw her physics professor in the corner, wearing his usual obnoxious green sweater-suit.

"So," Hidan said, putting his arm around her, "which stripper do you want to sit under?"

"They all look so... bare. Is it possible for us to get a table without someone's ass print?"

"Oh come on Sakura," Hidan said, "That ruins the whole experience of this bar."

"Well we wouldn't want _that_ to happen." Sakura said sarcastically, "Just... you pick."

"Thanks," he said, kissing her lightly on the cheek, "I promise, this will be an unforgettable night."

"Oh God it really is going to be, isn't it?" Sakura said, trying to hide the dread in her voice.

It was going to be a very, _very_ long night, and very, _very_ unforgettable night.

Or so she thought.

* * *

When Sakura woke up, she felt like a huge truck had just hit her. Her head was pounding and she was overcome with waves of nausea.

"_W-wh-where am I?_" She thought to herself as she tried to raise her head up. The room was dark and the shades were drawn. She could barely see anything. "_W-What happened?_"

"_Oh God._" Her mind jumped to the worst possible conclusion. "_I didn't- Oh God I hope._" She looked under the sheet, and to her relief, she was still in last night's clothing. She looked to the other side of the bed and found that it was empty. "_Oh thank God..._"

She tried to remember what happened in the past twelve hours, but everything was a blank. It hurt her head just to think about it.

The last thing she recalls was sitting in a grimy table where a stripper whose breasts could've covered an entire country was dangling above her. She remembered drinking beer from a very questionable glass. She couldn't quite recall how many glasses she had...

"You're up." A voice called to her in the darkness. "How are you feeling?"

Her heart began to pound as she tried to look around to find the source. "Who's there? Who are you? Where am I?"

The figure drew closer and Sakura could see his dark hair and distinct eyes that seemed to glow red in the darkness. He looked very, _very_, familiar.

"Sas-Sasuke?" Sakura called out hopefully.

"I apologize." The figure in the shadows replied as he loomed closer and closer, "I am not Sasuke."

* * *

"Where's Sakura!" Naruto said impatiently to his fellow housemates. "She's still not home yet... and as of two minutes ago, she hasn't been home in fifteen hours and thirty six minutes! If she's not home within the next half hour, I'm calling the cops!"

"She's probably still at that bastard's place... in his bed, no less." Kiba replied, looking slightly annoyed, "Damn, and _I_ wanted to be the one to take her virginity."

"Why is it, that every time I talk to you guys, it's about some girl's virginity?" Neji wondered out loud.

"Don't lie, Neji." Naruto said, "Admit it. You're worried about her too."

"Ha, the only thing I'm worried about is losing my lab partner." He said, looking down. He hates to admit it, but he _was_ worried.

"I swear," Naruto clenched his teeth as he tightened his fists, "If that bastard hurts Sakura even a little bit... I'll fucking rip him to pieces."

"Naruto, don't jump to conclusions," Sasuke said, coming into the conversation. It seems as though they all came downstairs, expecting breakfast, only to find their maid missing. "Maybe it was consensual."

It all happened in a flash.

Naruto's fists connected with Sasuke's face, as Naruto howled in anger. Kiba, Neji and Chouji grabbed Naruto with all their strengths and pulled him off of Sasuke, who clutched his bleeding nose angrily.

"WHAT THE FUCK, NARUTO!" He shouted and lunged forward towards Naruto. It took a total of four guys, Lee, Shino, Gaara, and Shikamaru, to suppress Sasuke from beating the living daylights out of Naruto.

"DON'T. YOU. DARE. TALK. ABOUT. SAKURA. LIKE. THAT!" Naruto screamed back at Sasuke, "YOU. DON'T. KNOW. SHIT! SO. STOP. TALKING. YOU. BASTARD!"

Naruto and Sasuke began struggling even hard, trying to land a blow on the other.

"Naruto, calm do-"

"SHUT UP AND LET ME KILL-"

"No Sasuke! Killing Naruto will not solve-"

"Hey guys! Want to hear a funny joke! It's about-"

"YOU SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU TOO-"

"Both of you need to-"

"QUUUIIIIEEEETTTT!**" **A voice boomed. It was so loud that all nine boys stopped mid action. They turned towards the kitchen entrance to face a very, very, _very_ angry Jiraiya.

Ha. And they thought angry Sakura was bad.

Hell hath no fury like an angry geezer.

* * *

"I-I don't understand. H-How did I end up here?"

"I'm sorry. I know all this must seem pretty strange and scary to you." He replied solemnly. "But before I explain anything, please eat something." He handed her a loaf of bread, a glass of water, and an Advil. "It'll help with the headache."

"T-Thank you. I-I don't want to seem rude, but who are you? I-I mean I know who you _are_. I see you in my calculus class..." she trailed off nervously.

He pulled out a chair next to her and sat down. Smiling slightly, he replied, "My name is Uchiha, Itachi."

That last name sounded awfully familiar to Sakura, but she couldn't exactly place a finger on it.

"W-what happened to m-me?"

"First, tell me how much you remember from last night." Itachi said.

Sakura lifted herself up so her head rested against the backboard of the bed. The room was dark and she could barely see Itachi, even when she squinted.

"I apologize. Is the room too dark? I assumed light would be bad for your head right now."

"No, no, it's fine." Sakura replied, "I just wanted to see your... well, never mind."

She blushed slightly, completely thankful that he could not see her reddening cheeks.

She forced herself to eat the food and she felt slightly better. She tried to remember what happened last night.

The strip joint was pretty loud and the two of them had to talk over the music and the moans of the lucky men receiving lap dances. She remembered talking about advanced calculus with him, and how he almost failed that class in third year. Apparently he passed that class by taking the T.A who was grading the final out on a date and then taking her to his bedroom where they did, according to him, "division of the legs". What else did they talk about again?

Oh right. Sakura remembered she didn't actually do much talking about all. It was mostly Hidan, bragging about his amazing clinches on the football field and about how many girls he hooked up with... and that he was into S&M?

Where on Earth did she get that? She really hoped that was just part of her wild imagination.

She told Itachi as much as she could, except the details of their conversation of course.

So, in reality, she didn't tell him much at all.

"The last thing I remember thinking was how flashy the stripper's head dress was ..." She told him, "And everything is kind of fuzzy after that..."

"Did the head dress resemble this?" Itachi said, getting up from his seat and showing a long elaborate head dress that dangled with peacock feathers and beads.

"Oh yes! It looked exactly like that!" Sakura said, "Where on Earth did you get that? I thought the stripper made it herself and-" She gasped.

No.

She _didn't_!

"P-please don't tell me that's the same one from last night..."

Itachi shrugged. "I don't know. It was in your hand when I found you."

"_OH. MY. GOD_" Sakura thought miserably as her brain screamed, "_I stole from a stripper!_"

"I know what this looks like," Sakura said meekly, "I-I _swear_, I don't know how I ended up with that. _Please_ don't report me to the cops. Maybe someone framed me when you found me and-" She paused for a moment. "Wait, you _found_ me? Where?"

"On the couch of our living room."

Sakura frowned slightly, "Any idea how I got there?"

He shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I was coming home from work at around three in the morning, and I just found you lying there. I didn't want Hidan to find you again and get any ideas so I took you to my room. "

Sakura buried her head in her hands. She could almost feel steam rising from her face. She had never felt so humiliated in her entire life.

And then- as if God felt like he has not punished her enough...

"Err-" Itachi said awkwardly, "I don't know if this is the best time to bring this up, but I also found this on you when I found you."

"Well it can't be much worse than-" Sakura said as she looked up and then stopped in her tracks. "What on Earth...

...Is that?

...Is that a...

..._Thong_?"

* * *

"_Okay Sakura. The key is to stay calm. They have no idea what happened last night and if they ask you, you just say... heck, they probably don't even know you're still missing. Oh wait no, they have to know... the breakfast you were supposed to be making is three hours late._"

Seriously, this is just becoming the worst hangover ever.

Sakura slowly walked up the front steps. She took a deep breath and slowly turned the knob, Before she had a chance to open the door, it door flew open and she was face to face (or rather face to faces) with her entire house (or what seemed like her entire house... it's easy to lose count).

"Err-" She said awkwardly, "Hi guys. Sorry about breakfast. I hope Chouji hasn't eaten anyone yet."

"Nah, he's fine." Shikamaru replied, looking relieved to see her, "He always has a stash of backup Twinkies hidden in his closet."

Naruto had planned on ranting to her about not calling them and how worried they were, but once he saw her, all of his anger abated and he was just glad she was safe. The rest of the house seemed to feel the same way. Jiraiya probably would've made a scene but he fell asleep in the living room while watching the Victoria Secret Fashion show on television. Apparently, being angry for five minutes took a lot out of him.

"So, you spend the night, eh?" Kiba said, "Finally gave someone your V card?"

"Nope. We were out pretty late and I didn't want to wake you guys up so I just spent the night on his couch."

"Really." Sasuke said, suddenly interested, "Did you see any of his house mates?"

Sakura paused and thought about the situation for a second. Does she really want to tell them about her date at the Titty Bar? And how she woke up in a stranger's bed with a stripper's headdress and thong?

"No," Sakura replied, "Not really. I think I heard someone come home late at night but it was too dark to see anything. And when I woke up everyone was gone so I just left his place and came... here."

"Phew." Lee said in relief, "So nothing happened between the two of you?"

"Nope." She said, "Nothing at all. And honestly, he's really not my type I don't think I'll be going out on a another date with him."

"Where did he take you?" Shikamaru asked.

"Oh you know... just a local restaurant. I can't really remember the name."

"How was the food? What did you order?" Chouji asked.

"I ordered the um... chicken breast. They gave me _huge_ portions." Sakura improvised.

The guys continued to bombard her with questions.

"So _really_ nothing happened?"

"You're not secretly in love with him, are you?"

"Did you give him a blow-"

"Okay guys." Sakura chuckled nervously, "I think I'm done with being interrogated. If you don't mind, I'm just going to go to my room to change my clothes and rest for a bit."

* * *

Sakura was finally in the peace and quiet of her own room, where she had time to go through the events of the past twenty hours. She felt scared and vulnerable.

Just what on Earth happened in those missing hours? She knew that her and Hidan didn't engage in any sort of intercourse (thank God), but she still couldn't help but feel violated. How on Earth did she end up in Hidan's living room? Did he just leave her there? And where was he?

She definitely did not recall drinking _that_ much. Besides, it's not like last night was the first time she ever drank or got drunk before. However, this was the first time she blacked out for nearly twelve hours.

There were still a lot of things she wanted to ask Itachi, but given the circumstances of their encounter... all she wanted to do was get out of there ASAP.

Something (well actually, a lot of things) didn't add up and she knew what she had to do.

Sakura nervously knocked on Sasuke's door. It took a lot of courage, but she finally mustered up enough to ask him. She had never been in his room before. Actually, now that she thinks about it, half of the guys didn't want her to clean their rooms. The only rooms she had actually been in were Kiba (unfortunately), Chouji, Naruto (also unfortunately), Shikamaru and Lee's.

The door opened slightly and Sasuke came out and closed the door behind him before Sakura managed to get a good look.

"Yes?" he asked curtly.

"Umm... well, I was wondering..." Sakura said nervously, twisting her hands. "You do research at the hospital, right?"

"Yes."

"Well I was hoping that you could um... help me out with something? Please? I know it's really out of line for me to ask and you'll probably say no and I feel horrible for asking something and putting you on the line like this but I really, really need help but I don't really want to go-"

"Just tell me what you want." He cut her off impatiently.

"Could you possibly get me into the drug testing lab?" she blurted out.

"What? Why do you want to go there?" He looked at her suspiciously.

"_Shit. I forgot I need to tell him why I want a drug test... oh God oh God I did not think this through..._"

"Well," She laughed nervously, "You see, I'm kind of doing this as a favor for a friend of mine. She has a new job that requires her to do a drug test."

"So... she can sign up for one like a regular person instead of sneaking in." Sasuke replied.

"Well, you see. She umm... well, I really shouldn't be saying this, but she's quite the pothead. She's trying an experiment to see how long the drugs will last in her system. And, _and_" Sakura rumpled through her pockets, "she will pay you... twenty six dollars and thirty eight cents. Oh, she'll also throw in a 20% discount coupon to the campus bookstore."

"Hmm... let me think." Sasuke said, "Twenty six dollars and thirty eight cents... or potentially getting fired from work and possible time in jail?"

"...You forgot the 20% off coupon..." Sakura said meekly.

"Well that makes a _huge_ difference."

"Please Sasuke." Sakura was practically begging, "I really- I mean, my friend really needs help on this."

Sasuke sighed, "I can help you out. Only if you stop lying and tell me exactly what's going on."

"The truth?" Sakura groaned slightly, "Well... I think, _I think _my friend might've been given the date rape drug."

Sasuke stared at her for a moment, "Your... friend?"

Sakura nodded, "Yeah, she kind of wants to keep it on the down low. She knows if she goes to the hospital they're just going to make a big deal out of it and she really doesn't want that in her life right now. She just wants to find out for sure. And then she just wants to forget about the whole thing and pretend it never happened."

He continued to stare at her. Sakura was afraid to look at him face on in fear that she might burst into tears and give the whole thing away.

"Alright. Meet me at the back entrance of the hospital at twenty past ten tonight."

"Thank you. Thank you so much. This really means a lot to me... and her. Mostly her." She added hastily.

"Tell this friend of yours drink at least eight cups of water and to not go to the bathroom two hours prior."

* * *

Sakura arrived promptly on time at the backdoor to the hospital at exactly ten-twenty with a urine sample in a small jar (hers, of course, but she wasn't going to let Sasuke know that).

Sasuke popped his head out the back door. "Pass me the sample. I'll be back with the results in around ten minutes."

She handed him the jar, and blushed slightly. Seriously, it's not everyday you hand your urine to a cute guy.

"Thanks again." She said gratefully, "I owe you. Big time."

He nodded curtly and shut the door.

Sakura leaned against the wall and waited. She had never been so nervous in her entire life... well that's not entirely true, but that's neither here nor there.

"Sakura?"

She looked up to see a boy with flaming red hair and pale skin. His blue eyes contrasted greatly against his dark lashes, and even more so in the dark.

"Gaara? What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same thing."

"I'm just waiting for a friend of mine who works here." She half-lied, "You?"

"I'm visiting my father."

"Oh, is he a doctor here?"

"No... he's a patient."

"I'm... I'm really sorry. Is he okay?"

Gaara shrugged his shoulders. "Listen, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about seeing me here."

"Oh no of course not." Sakura replied, "Just know that if there's anything I can do for you, please let me know. I know how difficult losing someone can be. My mother died of cancer a couple of years ago and it was really hard on my dad and I."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Gaara said, "I never knew my mother. She died giving birth to me."

Sakura cringed. She had wanted to make him feel better... not remind him of his dead mother.

"Do you have any siblings?"

"I have an older brother and sister."

"Well, what I find most helpful during hard times is just... really bonding with family members. Being alone never helps."

Gaara nodded. "Thanks."

Sakura smiled lightly, "Like I said, I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

"Thanks again... and I guess I'll see you around." And with that, he turned the corner and faded from sight.

Seconds later, Sasuke came out from the door. "Well that was an awkward conversation."

Sakura jumped at the sound of his voice, "Oh God you scared me. Were you listening in the entire time?"

"Well I couldn't just come out and give you the results to this illegal drug test in the middle of your conversation, now could I?" He said, "Though that probably would've made things a lot less awkward... and a lot more interesting."

"Oh gosh, the results! I almost forgot! Well... did you find... anything?"

He showed her the chart, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is there was no date rape drug in her system... bad news is your friend isn't eating enough vegetables and should probably lay off the carbs."

"Hey, I was only eating a lot of carbs as a way to- err- I mean, I'm sure my friend has a very good reason for consuming so much carbs. Probably because she's so tired all the time."

Sakura felt as if a big weight has been lifted off her chest. "You have no idea how happy and relieved this makes me... and my friend when I tell her the good news!"

"Tell your friend that, if someone is drinking on an empty stomach, or if they're dehydrated and they're sleep deprived or stressed out and tired, blacking out is common." Sasuke said, "I see it happen to Naruto and Chouji all the time."

"Huh. Wow. I can't seem to picture Chouji with an empty stomach."

"Nah, he was just sleep deprived."

"Ah," Sakura said with a smile, "and the world makes sense again. Listen, I can't thank you enough Sasuke. I really, _really_ appreciate this."

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, "No big deal. Listen, you go on ahead, I still have some numbers and papers I have to go over and it's probably going to take another hour or two."

"Okay, I'll see you back home. Thanks again!"

"Yeah."

He watched Sakura run out of sight before he got into his car and drove off. Twenty minutes later, he was parked in front of 36 Akatsuki Road.

He pounded on the door.

"Coming... coming..." he heard someone inside say as footsteps clattered down the stairs. The door opened and Sasuke was face to face with Hidan.

"What the fuck do you want at this hour- Sasuke?"

"You're just the guy I was looking for." Sasuke said coldly.

Hidan leaned against the door and snorted, "Why's that, you little shit."

"Are you home alone?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Perfect." With one swift kick from Sasuke, Hidan doubled over in pain, completely winded.

Sasuke went into the house and locked the door behind him.

"What the FUCK!" Hidan wheezed.

"Don't worry, I don't want much... just a little payback."

"Payback? For _what_?"

"Old habits die hard I guess," Sasuke said as he cracked his knuckles, "didn't think a _big stud_ like you would still need drugs to get into a girl's pants. Though that didn't work out too well for you last night, did it? Normally I wouldn't give a shit, but you just picked the wrong house to mess with."

* * *

Cliffhanger! I know I left a lot of crap up in the air... guess you'll have to keep reading to find out! I know I suck at updating... =(

I'll try my best to have the next chapter up within the next two weeks!

Thanks to all the people who reviewed! Really appreciate it! =)

With Love,  
OnlyTheGoodDieYoung

P.S. with pairings, it seems like it's going to be Sasuke/Sakura, though Itachi/Sakura is a very close second.

P.P.S. Check out my other stories if you get a chance! :) :) If you like this one, then you won't be disappointed!


	7. Their Obsession With Boobs!

Chapter 7 is here! This is a pretty laid-back chapter (A.K.A. interaction between the guys... which is never a good thing! Especially for poor Sakura!)

Oh, and mysteries get more mysterious and... well, read to find out! =)

Oh, and I decided to get rid of my story, The Price of Freedom, as I was planning that one out, I realized a lot of the plot was similar to this one, and so I decided to sort of combine the two (in a way...).

* * *

**The Trouble With Men Is**

**Chapter 7  
...Their Obsession with Boobs!**

"_Now Sakura, what are you going to take off? Your shorts, or your shirt."_

* * *

"Okay what the FUCK are you talking about? You better have a damn good answer or I'll beat the living shit out of you and your entire house." Hidan tried to get up but before he could, Sasuke grabbed his arms and pinned him down onto the ground.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." Sasuke said.

"No, I don't." he groaned, "Damn it, is this about me going out with that Sakura chick? Are you pissed because I made the first move and you didn't have the balls to? It was _one date_. And besides, she's too much of a prude."

"Then why did I find Rohypnol in her system?" Sasuke growled as he pulled back Hidan's arms even further.

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I don't even remember most of the night! I don't even know what that is!"

"What?" Sasuke loosened his grip slightly, "What do you mean?"

"The last thing I remember was getting drinks with Sakura and talking about... something. And the next morning, I woke up in a stripper's bed. Go ask the stripper!"

"How did you meet a _stripper_ in a restaurant?"

"We were having dinner _at_ a strip joint."

"Why on Earth would you take a girl to a strip joint on a first- wait a minute. That's not the point." Sasuke mentally punched himself for getting sidetracked, especially over such a trivial matter, "What did the stripper look like?"

"I don't know... dark hair... huge knockers, I mean _man_, they must've been _at least_..." he hastily got off that topic as he saw the look Sasuke was giving him, "Anyways, and I think, _I think_ she had a snake tramp stamp. Nope, I'm sure actually, it kind of crept me out while I was checking out her ass."

"Okay. I'm going to need you to give me a sample of your urine." Sasuke said.

"You son of a bitch," Hidan began to struggle again, "You think you can just fucking come in here, attack me ask for a cup of my urine and-"

"I'll let you punch me in the face."

"Deal."

* * *

"Does this shirt make me look fat?"

"No Chouji... _you_ make you look fat." Naruto said without looking up from his video game. Him and Kiba were in the middle of slaughtering a dozen zombie girls in bikinis.

"Excuse me?" Chouji glared daggers are Naruto.

"What? I'm just saying... don't frame the shirt for your own problems... that shirt deserves better than that."

"Chouji, if you want to look skinny, wear something bright like one of Naruto's obnoxious outfits." Kiba said, "No one will dare look at you in fear of blinding themselves."

"I'd pick being a fat ass over a poor dresser any day." Jiraiya said, strolling into Kiba's room.

"Seriously Jiraiya, you got to stop doing that." Said a startled Shikamaru, who was lying lazily on Kiba's bed.

"Yeah Jiraiya, it's six-thirty. Isn't it your bedtime or something?" Naruto chortled.

"Shit, it's six-thirty already?" Shikamaru jumped up from the bed, "Oh God I'm late."

"For what?" Kiba said. His eyes were glued to the television screen.

"Oh... just... somewhere..." Shikamaru muttered, eyes on the floor, "I'm just going to go study and stuff."

"Wait a minute... wait a minute." Naruto said as he paused the video game and turned to face Shikamaru. "That's your lying voice! And that's your lying pose!"

"What? I'm not lying!" Shikamaru retorted.

"Dude," Chouji laughed, "You're a terrible liar. Studying? Really Shikamaru? You couldn't come up with anything better than that?"

Shikamaru glared at Chouji and the big man's face sober up and he looked to the ground.

"Come on, man," Kiba said, "Tell us where you're going. It's a girl, isn't it?"

"Aw man," Naruto pouted, "Even Shikamaru gets laid before I do... and I actually _try_."

"It's _because_ you try, Naruto." Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes, "And no, I'm not going to meet a girl. I'm going to... play shogi."

Kiba, Naruto, and Jiraiya stared blankly at him.

"You're... not going to meet a girl and get laid?" Jiraiya finally said.

Shikamaru shook his head, "Nah, there's just this guy I met a while ago on campus and we occasionally get together and play shogi."

"And when you say 'playing shogi', do you mean playing shogi, or _playin' shoooogi_." Kiba winked at him.

"Seriously Kiba, what's wrong with you?" Shikamaru said.

"Oh thank God." Naruto breathed a sigh of relief, "The world is right again."

Chouji shook his head, "You should've just stuck with the 'I'm getting laid' idea."

Shikamaru grinned, "Nah, wouldn't want Naruto here to kill himself. Anyways, see you guys later."

The guys muttered byes in return as Naruto and Kiba returned to their video game. They didn't even notice when Chouji slipped out of the room.

"Hey! Shikamaru!" Chouji whispered as Shikamaru was leaving his bedroom.

"What's up, Chouji?"

"Are you going to meet _her_ again?"

"What? What are you talking about? No!" Shikamaru turned twenty shades of red.

"Listen, stop insulting my intelligence. Just because you fooled Naruto and Kiba doesn't mean you're going to fool me, your best friend. So drop the act already."

Shikamaru sighed, "Okay fine. I am."

Chouji glared at him, "Shikamaru, how could you. After all she put you through. Why do you keep crawling back to her?"

"It's not that simple!" Shikamaru said defensively, "I mean... you're not in my position so you don't know what it's like..."

There was an awkward silence between them, which neither of them was used to. Of course they were used to the silence. In fact, their ability to be with either and not say a word is one of the reasons why their friendship is so strong. It's the awkwardness they weren't used to.

Chouji decided to end the silence and placed a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder. "What ever happens man... I'll be here if you need anyone."

Shikamaru smiled meekly, "Thanks buddy. I can always count on you."

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from the room next door- Lee's room.

Shikamaru froze in fear. If anyone, especially blabbermouth Lee (whose seems to have a supernatural ability of spreading gossip faster than anyone... maybe with the exception of Naruto), knew his secret...

Sakura casually strolled outside with a broom and dustpan. She looked startled to see the two boys in the hallway.

"Sakura? What are you doing here? Were you listening?"

"Huh? What?" Sakura pulled out her earphones and turned off her MP3 player, "Sorry, I was listening to music. What did you say?"

Shikamaru sighed in relief. Thank God for technology.

"Why... are your eyes so big?" Sakura frowned slightly, "Are you two... okay? I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Oh, what? No! Of course not!" Shikamaru laughed, "I was just heading out and Chouji was just asking me about his... Biology assignment."

"You're in Biology?"

"Uh... no." Shikamaru said after a long pause, "That's what I told Chouji here!" He turned to Chouji and gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder, "Sorry bud, can't help you with the assignment. I know squat about Biology. You should try Sasuke or Neji. Isn't Naruto in that class too?"

"No." Chouji said flatly, "He dropped it to take Women's Studies."

"Oh... well... good luck with that then. I'll see you guys around." He gave Chouji and Sakura an awkward wave and bolted down the hallway.

"Well," Sakura said brightly, "I'm off to clean your bedroom!" and with that, she dashed off the other end of the hallway... before Chouji had a chance to tell her that her bedroom was on the other side.

Chouji stood, by himself, in the middle of the hallway.

He shook his head slowly and muttered to himself, "I need new friends."

* * *

Sakura cannot believe the conversation she overheard between Shikamaru and Chouji. She had been nonchalantly cleaning in Lee's room before she heard Shikamaru bustling into his own room next door, and then Chouji coming to interrogate and warn him about a _girl_.

"_Oh my GOD._" Sakura thought, "_I always thought Shikamaru was gay... I'm still putting my money on Naruto and Lee getting together though._"

She wanted to just stay hidden in Lee's room until the two of them left. However, things just aren't allowed to be that simple for her and she accidentally knocked over one of Lee's trophies. In a wave of panic, she grabbed Lee's MP3 play and jammed in the earphones, pretending to listen to music in hopes of fooling Chouji and Shikamaru.

Normally, the shrewd Shikamaru would've caught something so amateur, but he was too preoccupied with his own problems. Besides, the idea of Sakura knowing his dirty little secret probably terrified him so much that his brain blocked out any hints of it.

"_All that aside... I wonder whom this heartbreaker is..._" she giggled at the thought of Shikamaru being romantic with a girl.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

Sakura got up sluggishly. She was quite tired from a day of cleaning room and spills and messes (Naruto and Chouji decided to have milk chugging contest 2.0) and answered the door.

"Hey Neji." She said, "What's up?"

"Our biology lab report." He said.

"Oh right! That's due next Wednesday, right? When do you want to get together and work on it? I'm free tomorrow after-"

"It's already done." Neji cut her off, "I finished it last night. I just need you to sign your name here." He handed her the report.

"Wait... you _finished_ it?" Sakura said incredulously, "_Without_ me? But I didn't do any work _at all_."

"Well, I guess it's your lucky day." He said coldly.

"No Neji, it's not." She replied back just as cold, "I didn't get to do any work on this."

"Wait a minute, I do all the work, and _you're_ the one complaining?"

"Yes." Sakura said defiantly, "It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. This is a _partnership_, Neji!" She pointed back and forth between the two of them, "We're supposed to be working on these labs _together_. Don't you know the saying? _Two brains and better than one_?"

"Well haven't you heard the saying _I don't give a rat's ass what you think_?" he shot back.

Sakura glared at him. "Okay you know what. _Fine._" She threw the lab report back at him. "I'll write this lab myself and we'll compare and see which one's better."

"Fine by me." He growled.

"I'll- show- you." She emphasized each syllable with a jab on chest.

In the heat of the moment, she didn't realize how close their faces were to each other's. Their noses were barely inches apart. Neji seemed to have noticed this to. In an attempt to hide his blush, he quickly turned his head the other way and gave a loud scoff.

"I'll expect it done by this Friday." He said as he turned his back to her and began walking away, "Or else mine wins by default."

"Don't count on it!" Sakura retorted back, but then realized that her reply could mean two different things, "I mean don't count on winning by default not that I won't have mine done by Friday because... " She trailed off as he turned the corner, not listening to her rant.

"_Damn it!_" She mentally slapped herself, "_And I was doing so well with comebacks! I just couldn't finish!_"

* * *

For the rest of the night, she couldn't concentrate on anything. She tried starting her Biology lab, but she could barely get through the introduction. The binary fission of yeast cells just really wasn't all that interesting. Her mind kept flicking between things. She was relieved to find out that Hidan hadn't slipped anything into her drink (actually, Hidan should be the one that's relieved... Sakura makes a mean knuckle sandwich), but she still could not understand how much of a blur the night was and how little she remembers. Also, the next day when she woke up in that handsome stranger's bed... a blush crept up her cheek as she thought of him, and she felt her heart racing.

"No Sakura." She said firmly to herself, "You have enough men in your life."

She stared down at her work and sighed. "_No use in torturing myself further if I'm not in the mood to work... might as well go hang with the guys._"

She went to Kiba's room first, since that's where the boys mostly hung out to play video games. Surprisingly, there was no one there. She heard voices coming from downstairs and she made her way down to the living room, and to her surprise, found all of her housemates gathered.

"Oh hello Sakura," Lee perking up at the sight of her, "We were just going to get you."

"Hi... what's going on here? It's the first time I've seen you all... together."

"We're not all together." Naruto piped up, "Sai's not here."

"Damn it, I _really_ got to start remembering that there's _ten_ of you."

"Guys... I'm right here." A voice came out from the corner of the room as Sai emerged from the shadows.

There was a silence.

"Well, this isn't awkward." Kiba said.

The silence continued...

"Lee masturbates to America's Next Top Model."

"Wha- Naruto! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that!"

... Followed by more silence.

"... Okay now _this_ is awkward." Neji said.

"Why?" Lee retorted, "Because I masturbated to beautiful models? I swear Sakura, it was only _one time_, and they meant nothing to me! _Nothing_! I- I- I was thinking of _you_ the entire time!"

"... And just when I didn't think things could get any worse..." Neji mumbled.

"Okay change of topic," Sakura said hastily. She didn't think she was ever going to look at Lee the same way again. She then noticed Sasuke- or rather the huge bruise that spread from his nose to his eye and to his ear. It pretty much covered half his face. "Sasuke... what happened? Did someone _punch_ you?"

"I fell."

"Holy crap," Naruto said, staring at Sasuke's swollen left cheek. "What did you fall on? Someone's incoming fist?"

"I fell... on a rock."

"How did you manage that?" Kiba asked curiously.

"Will you all just drop it? It's none of your damned business what I fall or do not fall on." Sasuke said impatiently.

"Okay then, Mr. Sunshine. Sorry for being concerned."

Sakura felt that there needed to be another change of topic (seriously, how many subjects were taboo around these people?). "So why... are all of you together? I thought some of you hated spending time with each other."

"Not by choice," Sasuke sighed, "Jiraiya came up with this ridiculous idea that we should bond as a house, and forced us to spend time together in the same room for three hours every Sunday night."

"And you guys just listen to him?" Sakura said incredulously.

"Not by choice either." Sasuke continued, "the bastard had a statement in our leases that we didn't notice pretty much stating he could do shit like this and if we didn't comply he could either kick us our or raise our monthly rents."

"That sneaky son of a bitch..." Neji muttered under his breath.

"I don't know." Sakura said, "I think this is kind of nice; gives you guys a good chance to get to know and like each other."

"I like them by _staying away_ from them." Shino said quietly as he adjusted his shades.

"Dude, it's almost ten o'clock at night. Why the _hell_ are you wearing shades?" Kiba said to the bug guy.

"I have very sensitive eyes, thank you very much." Shino said icily.

"Nah, I bet you have bug eyes, and you're just trying to hide them." Kiba teased.

"Dude," Chouji said, "You don't wanna be pissing off the bug guy unless you want a tarantula in your bed."

"Well at least _something_ will sleep with Kiba for free." Neji smirked.

"Hey dipshit, you want this chair up your ass." Kiba glared at Neji.

"No, but I bet you do."

"Alright that's enough, smart ass!" Kiba got up and began moving towards Neji as Neji tightened his fists.

It didn't help that some of the boys (mainly Naruto and Lee) began egging the two of them on.

"Okay now everyone just... _keep calm_!" Sakura raised her voice, but all them ignored her.

"_Damn it, how do I get their attention?_" She quickly began brainstorming... and then she thought of the perfect idea.

"I'm going to take my top off!" she shouted.

That did it. Kiba stopped mid punch and Neji stopped mid kick and all of them turned to look at her.

"I'm glad I finally got your attention." She smiled nervously at all of them, "Now if you please stop fighting and-"

"Wait... so you're _not _going to take your top off?"

"Well... no."

There was a collective gasp.

"You... you lied to us?" Naruto said, completely wounded.

"Sakura..." Lee cried, "How could you, Sakura? If we don't have honestly, we don't have trust, and if we don't have trust, we have _nothing_."

Sakura stared at him, "Lee, you masturbated to America's Next Top Model. You don't get a say in this."

"Fair enough." Lee shrugged his shoulders and slumped away. "It was worth a shot."

"Anyways, as I was saying." Sakura said, "If you guys are going to be stuck like this for three hours a week... why not... make it fun?

"You mean like hire strippers and stuff?" Kiba asked, "Yeah... we tried that... doesn't work as well as you'd think."

"No... that's not exactly what I meant." Sakura said slowly. She couldn't let them know that she was pulling all of this advice crap out of her ass. " I mean... why don't you... play a game or something. Make a little money out of it."

"Money?" Naruto perked up, "I like money."

"Well off the top of my head, you guys could try playing... Poker? Blackjack?"

"I like that Poker idea!" Kiba said, "Okay, how about this. We each can only bet a total of twenty bucks, and if we lose all our money..." he grinned wickedly, "then we'll have to resort to _clothes_."

"You're telling me you want to see the nine of us get naked?" Neji said with a look of disgust.

"Well I think you're forgetting someone..." his eyes glittered, and they all slowly turned to Sakura.

"Wait, what?" She chuckled nervously, "I- I'm not going to play. It's just for _you guys_. I have to _clean_."

"Nope." Kiba grinned, "It's mandatory for you too. It's in your lease as well."

"_Seriously, someone just kill me now._" She mentally beat herself up for the millionth time, "_Why did I open my big mouth and say all that crap? Why couldn't I just let Neji and Kiba beat the shit out of each other? This is why it pays off to be a bad person instead!"_

"Well, let's begin."

... And the cards were dealt.

* * *

"Check."

"Fold."

"Fold."

"Check."

"Check."

"Fold."

"Check. No Fold. No Check. No FOLD. No wait a minute-"

"Make up your damn mind, woman!"

"It's not even my turn yet!"

"Sorry Sakura, I was talking to Naruto."

"Okay fine, I fold."

"Fold."

"Fold."

"Check."

"Fold."

"_Raise twenty._"

They all stared at the man who uttered those words.

"Gaara? Are you sure? You do realize if you lose this round... you're going to have to start taking off the clothes. And we still got forty-five minutes left to play." Shikamaru said.

"I know what I'm doing." He said, keeping his eyes on his cards.

There were only five remaining players in this round. Sakura, Sasuke, Neji, Shino and Gaara.

"Check." Sasuke said.

"Same here." Neji said, throwing in his remaining twenty.

"Fold." Said Shino, forfeiting his ten.

"Check." Sakura said.

"Now Sakura, you do realize that if you lose this round, you also will have to start taking off clothes." Shikamaru said, and then paused as if in deep though, "... And I don't know why I'm complaining..."

"Idiot!" Kiba said, thumping Shikamaru on the back, "Why'd you remind her!"

"Don't worry guys," Sakura smirked, "I got this in the bag."

"Alright gentlemen –ow- and ladies err- _lady_... show us what you got."

Sasuke had a three of a kind of fours.

Neji had a full house of three twos and two sixes.

Sakura grinned and casually flipped her cards around, "Straight flush."

There was an intake of groans coming from around the circle.

"I can't believe I'm out twenty bucks and I don't even get to see one boob." Naruto muttered sadly to himself.

"You mean twenty bucks _and_ your pants." Lee added, snickering.

"What are you laughing out? All you have is a cushion, which by the way, I'm never going to go near again."

"Wait-" Gaara said, "I haven't shown my cards yet."

"Sweetie, it's okay," Sakura said, "save yourself the humiliation. We don't have to see what you..."

She trailed off as Gaara revealed...

...a royal flush.

There was an intake of breaths and then- the entire room erupted in cheers. Of course the more "serious" boys merely nodded curtly or rolled their eyes, but they were excited.

"YES! THERE _IS_ A GOD!"

"This is even better than the time I slept with Kin Tsuchi on the-"

Everyone looked at Kiba.

"Oh sorry..." he chuckled nervously, "Got a bit carried away there."

"Wait," Naruto said, "You slept with Kin Tsuchi?"

Neji snorted, "Who hasn't?"

"I haven't!" Naruto whined, "That's not fair! You guys get to sleep with her and I don't!"

"Okay Naruto, _focus_." Lee said, "Now Sakura, what are you going to take off? Your _shorts_, or your _shirt_."

Oh man. Sakura was in another lose-lose situation. She could take off her shorts, and then all the boys would see her in her granny panties (in her defense, it was laundry day), or she could take off her tank top, and all the boys would see her lacy pink-push up bra (which made her breasts look simply divine).

Which is the lesser of two evils?

She could either turn them on, or drive them away. They'd never look at her the same way again if they saw her granny panties, but if they saw her nice lacy bra... well, they'd never look at her breasts the same way again.

"So," Sai, who had remained quiet throughout most the game, was suddenly very vocal, "What's it gonna be?"

Sakura took a deep breath and reached for her...

* * *

Muahaha! Another cliffhanger!

So... what do you guys think? Shirt or shorts? :P

With Love,

OnlyTheGoodDieYoung


	8. They Don't Have Boundaries!

Enjoy!

* * *

**The Trouble With Men Is**

**Chapter 8****  
****...They Don't Have Boundaries!**

"_So pretty much you took off your clothes, tucked your willy between your legs and ran around the house singing Gloria Estefan's 'I Will Survive'."_

* * *

...Shorts.

In the span of time that she had to think about the consequences of either choices (which was about a total of maybe fifteen seconds), she decided on the lesser of two evils. I mean, really. Think about it. If she picked her top, they would never let her hear the end of it. These boys would've seen as a sex object for the rest of her life. Also, she would probably have an even harder time getting them to stare nine inches higher. But if she chose to reveal her shorts, they would be so traumatized that they'd probably chug back a bottle of vodka and forget the entire night ever happened.

She slipped off her shorts and stared around. She could feel her face slowly starting to burn as the boys gaped at her.

She shuffled nervously in her seat and began to slowly regret her decision. She didn't want to them hit on her, but she didn't want them to be repulsed by her either. Besides, her granny-panties weren't _that_ bad. Sure, they were a little high waisted, and yes, they were a little frayed around the edges, and the little white hearts on them were faded and weren't exactly white anymore, but did they _really_ have to be so judgmental and silent?

"Yeah!" Kiba said, breaking the silence, "We got a chick to take off her panties!"

"Dumbass, she only took off her shorts." Naruto retorted.

"Not when I tell this story tomorrow at baseball practice." Kiba grinned.

Sakura felt even more self-conscious. She folded her legs up and wrapped her arms tightly around them.

"Awww Sakura," Lee said, "Don't be embarrassed. I think your 1950s panties are endearing. Shows what a classy and old-fashioned lady you are."

"Lee, she just stripped down to her underwear in front of ten guys. I don't think _classy_ is the right word here." Neji rolled his eyes.

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Game over. I'm done here. I'm just gonna go to my room and pretend this never happened."

Before any of them could say anything, she grabbed her clothes and scurried out of the room. Partly because she was embarrassed, and partly because she didn't want them to see her cry.

* * *

It was around nine at night and Sakura was in her room trying to concentrate on her math assignment. She kept thinking back to that horrendous makes-me-want-to-rip-my-own-guts-out night of strip poker. Sakura was running scenarios over and over again in her head on how the situation might have been different, and how badly she wished it were.

The past couple of days were a nightmare. Sakura was so embarrassed she actually started to shift her sleep schedule so she could clean at hours when she could best avoid them.

She wasn't even she why she was so humiliated. It's not like she was sexually attracted to any of them. The _reason_ why she chose to take off her shorts was because of her fear of them being sexually attracted to _her_. So why did she regret her choice so much? She was usually good at putting up with men. In fact, they were one of the few things she felt she _could_ deal with.

Maybe it's because it has just been so long since a guy paid attention to her personality rather than her physical assets...

Or maybe she was just getting her period. Who knows?

Sakura took a deep breath and said firmly to herself, "This is just a job. You are only in it for the money, not to make friends with a bunch of unruly orangutans. You only need be at it until you save enough money. That's _all_ your in this for."

A knock on her door snapped her out of her fierce monologue, and she cautiously called out, "Who is it?"

"Um..." a timid voice said, "It's um... me."

"Dumbass! She asked for your _name_!" another voice said. Sakura recognized it as Kiba's.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, and to her surprise... her entire house was standing there... even Jiraiya. Seriously, doesn't that man have a life?

"Yes?" Sakura said suspiciously, with her head only peeking out the door. "What would you boys... and man... like?"

All of them shuffled around nervously, before Naruto finally stepped up with a big gift-wrapped package in his hand.

"As a house, we decided to give you a little thank you present. For all your hard work." Naruto said proudly. "Well that and... other stuff."

"Yeah! Jiraiya chipped in too!" Lee added.

"I'm still confused on how he got in on this plan." Sasuke said, shifting his weight against the wall, with a bored, haughty expression on his face.

"It was his idea." Kiba muttered.

"Yeah, we were just planning on getting her a gift card, but Jiraiya said gift cards are for lazy bastards who will never get laid." Naruto explained.

"That old pervert just wanted an excuse to creep on under aged girls." Kiba grinned.

"Can we just give her the present already. I do have a rather busy schedule." Neji said impatiently.

"Okay okay." Naruto grumbled, handing over the huge box to Sakura. "It's for you." He grinned. "I hope you enjoy it."

"I... I don't know what to say." Sakura stuttered, "It's... wow... I mean- I'm just so... shocked and touched and I-"

"Shut up and open the damn thing." Shikamaru said, "And then see if you're still thankful."

"Oh I'm sure I'll love it, "Sakura said as she gently tore the big bow off and began to unwrap the gift. "Besides, with presents, it's always the thought that counts and I'm sure-"

She broke off as she finally got the box open. She gaped at the contents of the package.

"Well? Do you like?" Lee beamed, "We spent hours picking out all that stuff. Well, me, Kiba, Naruto and Jiraiya. Chouji came along too, but he got caught by security trying to steal a bag of cheetos."

"Ya, I'm surprised they didn't catch Jiraiya trying to sneak into the women's bathroom." Chouji said bitterly. "But the second I reach for a bag, they're on me like spring break bitches on laxatives."

"Jiraiya, were you by the women's bathroom handing out tampons again?" Neji asked.

"You'd be surprised at the amount of women who aren't prepared for chasing the cotton mouse." Jiraiya grinned. "And sometimes the women are so thankful they're not afraid to give a little... _something something_... if you know what I mean."

"You are disgusting." Sasuke said.

Jiraiya merely puffed up his chest, "A real man is not afraid to brave the red sea!"

"Yeah right." Naruto snorted, "Last time you got laid was when Sakura's granny pants was created,_ the 1950s_."

"Anyways, so what do you think of our gift?" Kiba said excitedly, "I think you should wear it while cleaning. And maybe next time we'll get you a little feather duster..."

As Kiba droned on about his fantasies, Sakura was at a loss for words. That was probably a good thing. If she had been paying attention and listening to what they've been saying... the Jiraiya conversation probably would've scarred her for life.

However, on to more serious matters. Just what was she going to do with a huge box of designer lingerie?

* * *

Morning Biology really was going to be the death of Haruno, Sakura. She could barely keep her eyes as the rest of the class came bustling in. Unfortunately for Sakura, Yamanaka, Ino decided to sit right beside her.

"So Sakura, how are you?" Ino asked cheerfully.

"Tired, sleep-deprived and exhausted. Seriously, I don't know how I'm going to-"

"Okay, I asked how you _were_, not your life story." Ino cut her off impatiently. "So... how did it go?"

"How did what go?" Sakura frowned.

"Duh... your date!"

The question caught Sakura off guard, "Oh my date? With Hidan?"

That whole dramatic story seemed like a million light years ago. She had been so busy lately that she barely saw him or anyone as a matter of fact, with the exception of her housemates.

Ino nodded. "Come on, don't keep all the juicy details to yourself!"

"I feel like I'm back in high school..." Sakura muttered to herself.

"Well, you're not. So _spill_." Ino demanded.

Before Sakura could lie and make up something that didn't involve strippers or passing out and being carried to a stranger's bed, Professor Shizune came in and saved the day.

"Hello class," She said, linking her laptop to the projection screen. Today we'll be talking about the Okazaki fragments and how they form during the DNA replication phase. I can assure you one hundred percent that this topic will be on the exam in December so I suggest all of you pay very close attention."

"Sakura you didn't-" Ino began.

"I'll tell you some other time." Sakura cut her off, "We should pay attention. You heard Professor Shizune. It's an important topic."

Ino muttered something unpleasant under her breath, but she stopped pestering Sakura.

Even after being warned of the importance of the lecture, Sakura was unable to concentrate. Random thoughts kept bouncing around in her head. Hidan... Itachi... Sasuke... Uchiha... Naruto's orange jumpsuit... wait a minute. Back track! Uchiha, Itachi and Uchiha, Sasuke. They have the same last name!

"_No!_" Sakura gasped, out loud.

Shizune stopped mid sentence and stared coldly at Sakura.

"Yes? You have something you would like to say?"

Sakura's face burned as she felt the eyes of the entire class on her. Well, she had two options: she could tell the entire class that she finally discovered the link between the guy she lives with and the guy whose bed she passed out in after a horrendous date which resulted in her getting hammered out of her mind and not remembering anything. Or... she could just lie.

So naturally, Sakura chose to lie.

"I mean... I just cannot believe that the Okazaki fragments are... real. I mean... I always thought they were just made up by you know... scientists. Kind of like the whole 'Pluto's not a planet thing' that's going on right now." Sakura stuttered, earning snickers from the class.

"Uh... Pluto isn't a planet." A classmate sitting near the front piped up.

Sakura nodded slowly, "... right."

Shizune stared at her for a couple of seconds, before continuing on with the lecture. However, Sakura's heart was still pounding hard.

"_Oh God, oh God._" She thought as she tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for class to end so she could drive off to the middle of a desert and scream her lungs out. "_What the hell did I get myself into?_"

* * *

"I officially love Women's Studies!" Naruto declared as he strolled into the room.

"Okay, which one of you gave Naruto pot and alcohol again?" Shikamaru said.

"What? What are you guys talking about?" Naruto asked.

The people in the room, which consisted of Neji, Chouji, Lee and Shikamaru, all tried to stifle their laughter.

"Seriously guys! Tell me!" Naruto whined.

"Alright fine." Lee chortled, "Last time you got simultaneously high and drunk, you were convinced you were a, as you put it, 'woman, trapped in a man's body'."

"And... And..." Chouji continued, trying to hold in his laughter, "You kept insisting that wearing clothes –burst of laughter- only stifled and oppressed – more laughter- your 'inner beauty'."

"So pretty much you took off your clothes, tucked your willy between your legs and ran around the house singing Gloria Estefan's 'I Will Survive'." Shikamaru finished.

Naruto's face burned like a tomato, "Liars! It never happened!"

Lee, Chouji and Shikamaru were on the floor laughing. Even Neji couldn't keep his regular composure and he let out a rare chuckle.

"That's not even the best part!" Lee cried, tears streaming down his face. "You- you- you then went up to Sasuke... and just grabbed him and planted the biggest smooch on the poor bastard."

"Man the look on his face..." Shikamaru was shaking from laughter; "It took five of us to hold him down keep him from beating the shit out of you."

"Yeah, and the rest were trying to hold you back from planting another kiss on him." Lee choked.

Naruto's color was past red and becoming magenta. "It- It- never happened! I don't believe you!"

"Doesn't Kiba have a recording of this some where?" Neji asked.

"Yeah, he did," Chouji said, "But Sasuke got a hold of the tape and completely destroyed it."

"But word on the street is that Kiba has a back up somewhere." Lee grinned.

"Damn it! Where is that son of a bitch?" Naruto growled, balling up his fists.

The guys look around the room as if expecting Kiba to suddenly jump up from under the couch.

"Yeah where is Kiba?" Chouji frowned, "He's usually always here."

"Could he possibly be, God forbids, at _class_?" Lee gasped. The five of them exchanged dark looks.

"... Nah! He's probably off goofing around somewhere." Lee said, and the rest of them nodded in agreement.

"What is that guy even in anyways?" Neji asked.

Chouji, Shikamaru, Lee and Naruto looked at each other.

"I want to say it has something to do with processing..." Chouji said slowly.

"That's not even a real class!" Naruto said.

"Yeah," Chouji snorted sarcastically, "And Women's Studies is?"

"It is!" Naruto protested, "You actually don't know how-"

"Shut up woman and go make me a sandwich." Kiba said, strolling into the room.

"Where were _you_?" Shikamaru asked.

"Oh you know... around." Kiba winked at them.

"What the _hell_ were you doing at a strip club at one in the afternoon?" said Lee.

"Hey!" Kiba said reproachfully, chucking a pillow at Lee, "Frisky Friday's isn't until _Friday_. And today, is clearly _Monday_." He sat down on the couch beside Neji, "Though I really could've used a good break today, you know, with all the stress of killing zombies on my Xbox all weekend and all."

"I don't know how you manage with such a busy schedule." Neji's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"What are you doing down here with us _lowly, simple folks_ anyways?" Kiba asked.

Neji shrugged his shoulders, "I usually have biology class at this time, but I'm four lectures ahead. I thought I'd entertain myself by watching you buffoons act like idiots."

"Ah, such a charmer, you." Shikamaru said dryly, "Keep talking like that and Naruto's gonna want to kiss you too."

"I'll kill him before he does." Neji said, getting up. "Well, it's almost time for class. See you losers later."

The rest of the gang muttered half-hearted goodbyes. As they heard the door shut and Neji's footsteps fade out on the driveway, Kiba suddenly perked up.

"Okay, now that the prick is gone I can tell you guys where I _really_ was." Kiba said excitedly.

"You mean you actually weren't at the strip joint?" Naruto blinked.

"Dude, what did I _just_ say about Frisky Fridays?"

"Oh... right. Continue."

"I was on a lunch date..." Kiba paused a moment for effect. "... With Neji's sister!"

The guys frowned slightly, as if deep in thought.

"Neji doesn't have a sister." Lee finally said.

"Well then who's the cute girl with the pale eyes and long hair that looks like a female version of him?"

"That's his _cousin_." Shikamaru corrected.

"Meh," Kiba said, leaning back against the sofa, "Cousin... sister... to-mae-to... to-mah-to..."

"More like... cousin... sister... getting the cold shoulder... or getting your ass handed to you." Chouji corrected him.

"Hey! There's no rule of cousins being off-limits." Kiba protested.

"Yes, but it's highly frowned upon." Lee said.

Shikamaru shook his head, "Man, I'd never get involved with any of the guys' relatives; distant or close. _Way_ too troublesome."

"I don't know... I think it depends on the circumstances." Naruto said, "It's all like... one big math equation."

"What?" The guys all stared at him blankly.

"Well, I figure would you could do is weigh the negatives and positives of the girl against the negatives and positives of the guy." Naruto said, "Personally, I think Hinata's worth it. She's as cute as a button. Though I do think she has some self-esteem issues, which is probably due to our oppressed society that smothers and forces females to conform to fit certain gender roles. Did you know that even now, men, on average, are still making more money than women on the _same job_? Of course, there's also the fact that woman are more judged appearance-wise than men are, which also has devastating effects on a woman's self esteem..." Naruto trailed off as the guys were all staring at him, agape.

The guys continued to stare at him, completely speechless. Chouji even stopped eating.

"Excuse me," Naruto whispered awkwardly, getting up from his seat on the carpet and slipping quietly out of the room, "I'm gonna go locate my testicles."

"He probably misplaced them while he was doing a rendition of 'It's Raining Men'." Lee finally said, trying to break the silence.

The guys now began staring at Lee.

"Too soon?" Lee said.

"Yeah."

* * *

After class, before Ino could interrogate her again, Sakura booked it home as fast as she could.

She usually stayed on campus during her lunch break, but she realized she had left her math notebook at home. Besides, she was curious to see what the guys were up to.

Ever since the incident where they bought her a couple hundred dollars worth of lingerie, she didn't really feel the need to avoid them so much anymore. Though when she first saw her present, she didn't know whether to feel insulted or flattered. It also didn't help that they decided to leave personalized notes for her.

"_I know you're poor. Being poor sucks._ _My dad said to be nice to poor people, so they don't rob you blind, and screw your wife behind your back and then she'll leave you because apparently you never 'filled her' the way Brian does._"

"_If you were my bitch, I'd buy you sexy lingerie all day, err' day ;) know what I'm saying hookah?_"

"_They're forcing me to write this._ _Just wanted to let you know I had nothing to do with the selection of the gift. The only thing I provided was twenty dollars._"

"_Girl, if you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be a Big Mac. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. I'm not trying to say you're fat. Oh God, I really shouldn't have written this message in pen. Please don't tell anyone about this note. I'll pay you. Oh God, I'm so lonely._"

"_Sexy, lemme rain all over dat fine ass of yours and then I'll-_"

That was around the time she stopped reading the messages and threw them all in the trash. She was afraid if she read another one she'd have to kill , she could not deny, they had pretty darn good taste. They bought her a damn good variety too. There were lacy ones, red, green, stripes, polka dots. Lets just say it was enough lingerie to last her _two_ lifetimes.

She entered the house, and to her surprise, all was quiet; something she was definitely not used to. She peeked into the living room, and noticed that the salsa stains on the couch were still fresh. She rolled her eyes, "I guess I just missed them. Lucky me."

She began wiping the spills of pop and salsa and god knows what when a voice suddenly interrupted her cleaning. A female voice.

"Are you sure there's no one here?" The voice whispered. It sounded familiar, but Sakura couldn't quite place it. She carefully moved to a spot behind the door so she could hear the voice better.

"Yeah, don't worry." A male voice replied. Sakura immediately recognized it as Shikamaru's. "This is usually Lee's bedtime. Kiba's probably in his room jerking off, and the rest are all on campus. The only one that knows is Chouji and don't worry, he won't tell anyone. Oh, and Naruto's MIA, probably dead in a ditch somewhere."

"So... where are we gonna do this?" The female voice said seductively.

"Where would you like to?"

"How about the living room. It's pretty spacious in there and the couch is pretty comfy."

Sakura's brain began to scream at the top of its lungs. "_Oh God, please don't come in here. Please, please, please don't._"

"Nah, the boys spilled salsa and pop all over it. It'll be nasty. How about my room? I cleaned it just for you." Shikamaru said.

"How sweet." The female whispered dryly.

She heard their footsteps moving up the stairs and she took a deep sigh. However, in her moment of relief, she accidentally shifted all her weight against the door, and BAM... the door slammed shut... and echoed throughout the entire house.

Shit.

How kind of Fate. Just when she thought she was in the clear, that cocky bastard decided to give her a big "fuck you_"_.

* * *

I know a lot of you wanted Sakura to take her top off... but don't worry, there will be plenty of opportunities for the boys to ogle her in the future. ;)

Who do you guys think Shikamaru's secret woman is? Cookie to those who get it right! :D

Thanks to all those who reviewed! :)

Also: if you get a chance, please check out www[.]thestoryofallofus[.]tumblr[.]com**  
**You won't be disappointed! :)

Till next time,  
OnlyTheGoodDieYoung


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